Akatsuki Katz FTW
by Britt3899
Summary: Reposted. Owners: Britt3899 & PrincessOfDarkness216 Pairings: Madara/Tobi/oc Orochimaru or Itachi/oc When two girls find a box of kittens in a river and saves them, they really didn't expect the Akatsuki! Rated for Pervness, Swears, Slight Nudity. "Get this show on the road!" Be quiet Kris! You're the reason I had to repost! "Yeah, be quiet. I'm reading." Typical Crissi... R&R P
1. Meet da peeps

**Heylooo! I know everyone want to kill meh cuz I havent even finished most meh other stories... But PrincessOfDarkness216 inspired meeeee!**

**Her OC is Kristen Num Nums (Kris Nummers)**

**Mine is Chrystal Lange (Crissi)**

**!Pairings! **

**Kris/Tobi-Madara**

**Crissi/Orochimaru or Itachi**

**We don't own the Akatsuki or any Naruto people... Only you, me, us, we, don't pay attention to that first one~**

**~Akatsuki Katz FTW~**

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We enter a large house with no neighbors. The birds are chirping, you can hear the faint sound of a river, but what you hear most, the loudest thing for miles around, is swearing.

"..Damnit" We see a girl with blood red hair finishing her swearing rant in the study of the house. Mahogany wood and dimmed light gave her a dark look. It was a very dark look, since she had thick eyeliner on.

Hazel eyes looked for a blackberry that just went off.

_I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it sex in the air I don't care I love the smell of it sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me_

She found her phone, one hand with black fingernails nursing her head.

"Whaddya Want?" Her voice rang out in the empty house. She excited the study and walked down the hall, jean colored carpet and brown creame walls was her only view except for a dark door here and there.

"Whatever. Just don't get to drunk." The girl hung up and threw her phone onto the bed in front of her. A King mattress with a dark purple comforter, black pillow, and creame sheets. The floor was a grey stone but there was a off white plush carpet taking up the middle of the room. A rolly chair was pushed into a neat vanity with a large mirror next to a door which led to a large creame blue bathroom and a flatscreen hung on the wall opposite of the bed. the walls were painted black and there was a walk in closet with cherrywood doors under the flatscreen tv. The wall on the inside side of the bed wasn't really even a wall. It was a large balcony that took up half the wall and had mesh curtains. The balcony didn't stop at her room though, it went on into her housemate's room. The girl went downstairs, going fast down the spiral staircase, and ignoring the well equiped kitchen, went into the livingroom that had a cream couch taking up part of two walls since it was a corner couch, and a coffee table. the entertainment center was the home of a 62 inch flatscreen and many concealed movies. It was birch wood, surprisingly. She flicked on the fan on low and relaxed, her head hitting a dark blue and a dark green pillow, two of many on the couch. There were matching chairs in the room too. See, let me explain the house. The girl's room, study, and gaming room were HERS and only HERS. Her housemate's room, anime room, and the yard were the housemate's. Though the anime and gaming room were mostly shared, they respected privacy sometimes. And the yard, well, The girl used it once in a blue moon. The kitchen and living room were no man's land, and the spare rooms were deserted. The basement was made up of the gaming and anime rooms, a wall in between the two.

The girl, who after we took a double check at her door upstairs and saw that it had the name Crissi on it is now known as said name, nodded off on the couch, not wondering when her housemate, who had left to grab a quick beer (her housemate wouldn't get drunk, it was a weekday) would be home.

Just as Crissi's Housemate and good friend came in.

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**Soooo how was it? Review or PrincessOfDarkness216 and Hidan will kill you!**

**BTW PrincessOfDarkness216 is a full Jashinist.**

**Yea.. review or be a sacrifice to Jashin!**

**-This Chapter was done by Britt3899-**


	2. Stupid Crissi! SAVE THE KITTYS!

**I'm not doing another disclaimer... it depresses me to know that I don't own anything in Naruto whatsoever..**

**PrincessOfDarkness216 helped by giving me her OC info!**

**~Akatsuki Katz FTW~**

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A girl grumbled as she unlocked the door to, what her housemate Crissi called a comfortable home, what she herself called a frikken mansion. She finally got it unlocked and turned off her Ipod, which was playing an One-Eyed Doll song. She slammed open the door, her long brown hair swinging around madly, her purple striped Deidara Bangs covering her left eye.

"Honey I'm home!" She shreiked.

"Son of a Slagger!" Crissi shouted from the couch. 'Son of a Slagger?' the brown haired girl, who was only an inch or two shorter than Crissi, rolled her blue eyes which had a purple tint at her friend.

"Watching Transformers again Crissi?" Crissi grinned and rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. Kirsten, also known as Kris, but the brown paper bag of groceries on the island table in the kitchen. She put the food away and threw her packpack at her friend. Crissi moved away from the backpack.

"God knows what's in there!" Kris rolled her eyes.

"I didn't draw any yaoi, yuri, incest ectera." Crissi frowned a little then smiled.

"Yaoi is kay, but thank you for not throwing incest at me.." Kris smiled and plopped down next to her friend, using her lap as a footrest. Kris is 'evil and scary' to most people, but she's known Crissi since pre-k for the love of Jashin! Crissi knew everything about her, from her fav foods to her sibling's deaths.

"My sis may be coming over this week."

Kris groaned. Crissi's sister Isabell was GIRLY LIKE HELL. Thank god Crissi was nothing like her really. Kris was known as the silent killer or just plain don't mess with me girl all through her school years. Crissi was just kown as goth techy or goth worm, since she explained herself as a book/writing/drawingworm.

"So How's SID doing?" Crissi asked, munching on buttery garlic club crackers.

"Super Intelligent Drywall is doing fine. Sledgy wants to bash somehting though.."

"...I ask no questions."

"Good girl" Kris patted Crissi's head. Jazmin, Crissi's calico cat curled up on her lap and Crissi moved her feet so she could go get Shadow, her pure black guinea pig.

"...you have a predator and prey, and reduced them to bro and sis... I still can't get how you did that." Kris said when Jazmin left her to curl around her 'adopted brother' Shadow, on Crissi's lap. Kris got up and when up to her room. It was the same size as Crissi's and their balcony that they shared was there of coarse. Kris's room was painted deep dark Blue and wood floor was oak with a large darl purple plush rug taking up most the room. Her bed had red sheets and pillows and the comforter was grey. Her Tv was on a large bureau and her clost was next to it, both scross from the bed. Next to her bed was a bedside table with her alarm clock, Beeper 4.7 (AKA the 47th alarm clock name Beeper)

On the wall that had the door was many posters of Breaking Benjamin, One eyed Doll, Falling in Reverse, and one of all the Akatsuki. In her closet was a huge safe that held weapons like guns, knifes, machetes, RPGs... you get the idea. Kris walked out to the balcony that had a full sised hammock in the middle where Kris and Crissi would sit or lay down and write, draw, just relax after a hellish day. Kris looked down, and In the river which lead to a lake just behind the house/mansion, was a box getting tossed around. Kris could have sworn she saw a paw.

"CHRYSTAL GET TO THE RIVER QUICK! GET THE BOX!" Kris shouted and started running out of her room, down the hall then staircase then out the back door, around the pool and to the river. Crissi, her full name being revealed as Chrystal, Was already at the river, but the box had made it into the lake. And it was slowly sinking. Crissi went wide eyed and run to the dock. Kris followed her. Crissi stripped to her black undergarmets and dived into the lake, her black thick rimmed glasses still on. Kris frowned and searched the water for her friend.

Suddenly she saw a head pop up next to the box, her hair now black with the water. Crissi grabbed the box and swam back to the dock on he rback, the box on her stomach and she was only using her legs to propell her. Kris saw she was only a few feet away from the dock, rolled up her worn jeans to her thighs, took off her nikes and ankle socks, and got into the water, the water barely touching her jeans now. She grabbed the box from Crissi and also carried her friend's clothing.

They quickly went into the house and Kris handed Crissi a towel. Kris knew the water was way belor freezing, so she had to warm her friend before she got hypothermia. Kris threw Crissi's favorite blanket, a worn blue one with saten edges, on the heater and made hot chocolate and beef stew from a can. When she walked back into the livingroom Crissi was cleaning her glasses, the towel around her shoulders and she was curled up into a ball under it. Kris shoved a thermoniter into her mouth and set the hot chocolate and stew down, then went up stairs and went through her closet. When she didn't really find anything she though would eb suitable for Crissi to warm up in, she then went into her own closet. She grabbed a white spandex tank top which was made to keep heat in, and a jean blue grey pinstripe turtleneck and thick, fussy, black pj pants. She went back into Crissi's room and got undergarmets a knee high black socks. She grabbed a hairdryer also and went back down to her friend. Her temp was in the 80's.

"Crissi you idiot!" Kris scolded her but then saw something move under the towel.

"They..were getting cold.." Crissi said through chattering teeth. Kris took the towel off her friend and saw about eleven kittens scuttling around. The second she took the towel off though, they ran to hide in an nook they could find on Crissi so they could get warm.

"Oh my Jashin.." Kris ran and got towels and threw them on the heater, grabbed the now wicked hot blue blanket. She plugged the hairdryer in and told Crissi to change into the clothes while she dried her hair.

Crissi change, throwing her wet undergarmets on the ground next to the couch. Once she was in the clothes Kris had finished drying her friend's hair and brushed it. Crissi put on her glasses and sipped on the hot chocolate and the beef stew. Her eyes following the kittens.

"Never. Do that again. Got it?" Kris glared at her friend then hugged her quickly. You see, Kris's siblings all died. Her elder sister who had been in the war was killed in Germany by bandits, a brother who was killed in a shoot and run, and her last sibling commited suicide. Crissi was Kris's adopted sibling, since Crissi had been left with her MeMe's (Gramma on her dad's side. Biological.) well.. everything. Her Mother and Father were divorced, as where her grandparents on both sides. The ones on her dad's sides were remarried, while on her mom's side only her grampa dated a woman named Stephenie and her gramma was still single. Her uncle lived with her Grampa and Stephenie, and her sister was with her dad, while her mom was in another city dating a man named Chris. When Crissi got MeMe's ..everything.. She had a house to herself. They had been friends for a long time, and sinc etheir parents never really checked on them, they went to an adoption agency, and after a lengthy amount of time, they were legally via a messed up adoption, half sisters. Don't ask how they did it... Kris is good with hacking shizz..

So of course, Kris didn't want her sis/friend dead!

"Kay" Crissi's speach was slow and tired. Kris frowned and grabbed two pillows and put one at each end of the couch.

"We'll both take a nap, then we'll figure out what we'll do with the felines." Kris decided.

Crissi nodded and laid down with the warm blue blank spread over both of them, it was that large.

When Crissi woke up she was hungry, She dug into the now cold Hot chocolate and beef stew that was left on the coffee table. She noticed that the towels on the heater where almost smoking from heat and took them down. She saw the kittens curled around eachother, except on that was five inches away from the others. Crissi grabbed two at a time and curled them into the towels and set then on the couch in the spot her legs were. When she got the the one that was away from the others, She curled him alone and set him, the pure black one, and the blue one on her lap.

"Crissi.. you better?" Kris mumbled from were she lay.

"Yeah. Let's give these little guy's names." Jazmin looked up from where she lay on Shadow's cage and shook her head, then went to sleep. Shadow was asleep in his igloo.

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**Review... or I throw you in the Lake...**

**-Chapter Written by Britt3899 and Kris info given by PrincessOfDarkness216-**


	3. A rose by any other name sucks

**It's a short chappie, but it's a chappie non-theless. **

**Disclaimers.. how I want to shoot thee, for reminding me I don't own squat.**

**~AkaKatsFTW~**

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Crissi cuddled the three kittens on her lap and picked them up, walked slowly over to where Kris lay. Kris raised an eyebrow at her sister.  
She was in a very caring and as she called it, a warm and fuzzy mood. Kris inched away so Crissi knew not to force the fuzzyness onto her.  
Crissi smiled and Kris picked up the other kittens, their fur now soft and dry. Crissi moved so there was space between the two and watched as the kittens all sat together, the Black one and blue one on her lap going over to them, but the white one with a black oblong spot on his head and purple triangles on it's face stayed with her.  
"Names… What about idiot, moron, asshole, bugger-" Kris got cut off.  
"No." Crissi frowned at her friend. Kris shrugged "I had to try." She reached for the bright blonde one. She started twitching.  
"Too.. Bright.." Her hands tightened and the cat's eyes went wide.  
"Name him, then release him."  
"Barbie." Kris chucked the cat back to his friends. She then went for the one that was black and had orange on his face.  
"Ninny Hammer" She nodded then placed him down, going for the black and white one.  
"Hannibal."  
"How'd the hell you get Hannibal Kris?"  
"Well he reminds me of a cannibal… from an anime.. Hint frikken hint.."  
"..touche" Kris smiled and grabbed another kitten.  
She stared at the silver cat trying to scratch her.  
"Satan." Crissi frowned.  
"No. Satan is my buddy. Name his something evil… like god…" Kris though about this  
"Fine. His name will be Zealot" she placed the cat down and went for the brown one with black stripes.  
"….Stripes… NO WAIT! Miser." Crissi face palmed. She picked up the light blue female.  
"Orchid." She picked up the ginger one with black spots "And you will be Punk"  
Kris was patting Pumpkin and watching her sister. "Name the blue one next." She pointed to the large blue male cat.  
"Mmkay. You shall be Jaws, while your buddy" she grabbed the pure black one "will be Weasel." Kris frowned.  
"Shoulda named him shark bait…" Crissi ignored her. She placed them down and grabbed the russet colored one. "Chucky." She put Chucky down and looked at the one still in her lap. She pet him lightly. "Your name will be Snake, short for Snake Bite" She picked up Snake and cuddled him to her face. "You have realllllly soft fur." Kris rolled her eyes at her friend then sighed.  
"We have to get supplies."

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**Like I said, Short. Review and it'll get longer~ review with what you want to see in the story and ideas, and the length with DOUBLE at LEAST!**


	4. Do the shopping cart!

**Okeey, PrincessOfDarkness216 There shall be pocky wars, bazooka threating ectera, ectera, ectera... soon.**

**Right now Kris is giving me grief . Just 'cuz she can.**

**Kris: Daymn Straight!**

**Crissi: *Gibbs Slap Kris* Shutit you son of a glitch before I rip your Slaggin head off you Idjit!**

**Note to self: Keep Crissi away from anything Transformers.**

**Another Note to self - **

**Kris: I think she's gone insane...**

**- Take away Kris's pocky . -**

**- Kris: NUUU -**

**Lastly, I OWN NOTHING!.. I hate this note to self the most...**

**~AkakatsFTW~**

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Crissi groaned. Kris laughed at her and started dragging her up the stairs.  
"ow-ow-owie-umph-bananas-taste-yucky-umph" Crissi had a bump on her butt now from being dragged up the stairs. Kris threw her in her room and went into her own. Kris grabbed a black belly shirt, boat neck, that connected to her middle fingers, and wore a light purple tank underneath it, and off white baggy cargos. She slipped on her nikes and put her hair up in a high ponytail, leaving her bangs out.  
Crissi grabbed stuff at random from her closet. It turned out to be a black quarter sleeve mesh top over a neon light blue tank and red plaid baggy tripp pants and combat boots. She put on thick eyeliner and placed her glasses on her nose, then walked out of the room grabbing a waist cut black hoodie.  
"Lessgo!" She pointed at the door and started marching. Then she heard a mewl.  
"awwww" She was instantly at Snake's side, cooing and cuddling him.  
"Just bring the damn thing…" Kris regretted her words instantly, but then dejectedly went and got an old pet carrier.  
It was like a stroller, but the top was mesh and there was a small food and water bowl in it.  
"Everyone in!" Kris shouted, chucking Zealot and Barbie in first. "the two fuckbuddies first.." She got hissed at "Then everyone friggen else."  
Crissi held onto Snake, Jaws, and Weasel. She placed Snake in her large tripp pocket, he popped his head out so he could see. She place Weasel on her hoodie, his head popping out of the top, and carried Jaws.  
"hopefully Weasel isn't a perv… like you.." Crissi said to Kris.  
"…. No comment whatsoever." Kris placed everyone else except for Ninny Hammer in the stroller/carrier. Ninny Hammer was place don her shoulder. Crissi easily grabbed her satchel and put Kris's wallet in Kris's pocket for her since she was already heading out the door. "Thanks" Kris called back. Crissi shifted Jaws in her arms and walked to the garage.  
"Let's take your car Crissi." Kris said, opening the garage with the number code.  
Crissi went in and drove out in a 2006 Dodge Viper SRT10 Coupe . In the Grage was a Black Hummer, a black Ducati SuperSport and then in the left side of the garage was Kris's cars, A minibus van typa thing (or that's what Kris called it at least), a Harley, and a black SUV, like frikken FBI SUV. She's scared the ever living crap outa people in that…  
I mean, this one kid she stalked while he was going home, driving really slowly right next to him.  
He's still in therapy.  
Crissi opened the passenger door from her place in the driver's seat and Motioned for Kris to get in. Kris put the stroller in first, compacting it into a type of car seat, putting it between the two seats. Kris got in and buckled up, Crissi had modified the car to have racing seatbelts. Crissi switched on her Ipod touch, connecting it into the dash. Out blasted Hollywood Undead's Street Dreams.  
Kris was playing with Ninny Hammer on the way there, while Snake was laying on Crissi's lap, not bothered with her moving feat and moving arm while she drove.  
"Asshole…" Crissi grumbled when a jerk in a hot rod red Ferrari cut her off. She went into the lane next to him, since it was a double lane street. The man rolled down his passenger window as did she, but she narrowed her eyes while the man smirked.  
"Heeey Kissi Crissi" Crissi shuddered. The man was the head jock at the high school both she a Kris had went to. His name is Jared, and he loved things he couldn't have. Especially Crissi and Kris. He had names for both of them. Kissi Crissi was hers, while Kris's was Kiss Kris. He had an obsession with kisses…  
"Go to hell Jar Head." Kris looked over to her  
"Jar Head Jared is in the Ferrari? Floor it girl!" Crissi did just that, Jar Head Jared coughing up dust. They pulled into PetCo and Kris got the stroller thing out while Crissi held ALL of the kittens.  
Zealot was a perv and got chucked at the windshield, let's just say that.  
"Kay hand them over" Crissi handed over Barbie, Zealot, and Miser first.  
"Awww the threesome fuckbuddies. You guys brought Miser into the gay sexuality, nice." They all hissed. Kris threw them into the stroller. "Don't worry, I have nothing against different sexualities. Be proud you love men. I'll even give you a dollar for a show…" Kris pulled out a crisp, newly printed, hundred dollar bill. Miser's eyes grew to saucers and got green cash signs in them. He ran, and just as his claw almost grabbed the cash…  
Kris pulled it back. Miser did a tumble summersault his back claws held onto the stroller. Kris put him into the stroller, laughing her ass off, and piled everyone else in it except Ninny Hammer, Snake, Weasel, and Jaws.  
"Why do you like those three so much Crissi?" Kris asked as they walked into the store. They crabbed a cart and Kris hooked the stroller in the front of it. She placed Ninny Hammer in the seat in the cart. Crissi placed the large Jaws, he seemed to be the one full grown cat there, across both her shoulders and he curled a bit to be comfortable. Weasel was placed in her hoodie again, and Snake was placed in her tripp pant pocket again. They went straight to the cat section.  
"Should we get kitten chow, or regular cat chow?" Kris asked Crissi who was grabbed a 20lb pound of guinea pig food so it would last a good year and guinea pig bedding.  
"Uhm what's the price difference? The biggest bags."  
"Let's see… the fifty pound kitten one is around seventy, while the cat one is around sixty seven.."  
"The cat chow one. And grab forty cans of cheap wet food. Five different flavors." Kris nodded and Crissi put the bedding and guinea pig food in the cart neatly, taking up as little room as possible, and as she grabbed the cat chow bag and did the same. Kris grabbed Tuna, Chicken, Salmon, Shrimp, and Crab flavored wet food, eight cans each.  
"We're going to need the cat milk.." She mumbled to her self, grabbing twenty five-carton packets. She grabbed a crate that had forty pouched cat foods that was mixed poultry and then a smaller crate that had fifteen treat baggies.  
She fitted everything into the cart and saw Crissi already going further down the ail to the toys and bedding. She grabbed three large black beds and a smaller deep purple bed, a baggie of catnip, a fishing pole toy, and a package of bell-balls. She got everything into the cart and Kris tried pushing it.  
"UUUUGH!" She fell on her face. It only moved an inch!  
"Here.." Crissi took one side and Kris the other and they got it rolling. Luckily the store was slanted in the way they wanted…  
"Ohhh! Crissi go get bath shit!" Crissi made a face  
"Bath shit? Why would we wash shit dude?" Crissi ran away from a punch laughing like a maniac.  
Leaving Kris to push the cart the rest of the way.  
"For the loves of all things pocky and jashin.."  
Kris laughed as the baggers brought bags upon bags out of the store and packed them all into the trunk. She turned to see the price and anime fell.  
"A thousand seven hundred twenty three dollars and sixty-four cents!" She shouted. Crissi ran up behind her and jumped onto her, forcing Kris to carry her piggyback style.  
"Add twenty to that" She chucked the bath stuff a the cashier then once everything was in the trunk paid him in cold, hard, cash.  
"…I fucking hate that your rich." Was the first thing Kris said when she got into the car. Crissi laughed then turned on Korn Narcissistic Cannibal.  
After bringing everything inside and getting situated, Kris laid on Crissi.  
"Your guishing me" Not squishing. Guishing.  
"Deal with it bitch."  
"Who you calling a bitch, hoe"  
"You of course." Criss smacked her arm "Ahk, abuse!"  
"Yea, animal abuse." Crissi rolled off the couch, bringing Kris down with her. They landed on the unsuspecting Barbie and Crissi and Kris went wide eyed at seeing the other kittens choke on laughter.  
"Fucked up cats for fucked up beeotches" Kris decided. She grabbed Punk and Orchid and set them on the chair to the left of the couch, since they seemed highly annoyed.  
"Why don't we give the idjit's a bath?" Crissi said, slipping in transformer speak.  
"…and get clawed to death. Fun." Kris groaned as grabbed all the cat non too gently. She motioned for Crissi to followed her.  
"Your head's twitching." Kris groaned and kicked her. "Okay okay!"  
They went into the no mans land bathroom and Crissi started the water. She made sure it was warm and shallow-  
"But I wanna drown the fuckers."  
"No!"  
"Not even the Nazi one?"  
"No you can't drowned Barbie either." - And put in the bath soap. She squirted cat shampoo into her hands and Kris tossed the kittens in. She and Crissi struggled to get a hold of the buggers, but suddenly there was a poof.  
(Kris: A BIG FUTHA MUCKING POOF! Crissi: Shutit you Slaggin Idjit!)

The girls coughed and waved the smoke away.  
"Dafuq was that?" Crissi groaned rubbing her temples.  
"What ever it was, if can be sacrificed, Jashin will be pleased, put it that way."

"…"  
"…you have problems.."  
"Says the girl who is apparently best friends with Satan.."  
"Oi, I live in one of the circles of hell and I'm the devil for the devil. He respects meh."  
"… my point exactly shit for brains…"  
"touche my baka amigo" They turned away from each other to see the huge tub filled with people.  
Kris whipped out Sledgy and hit the closest person. It was a male with slicked back silver hair.  
"You lil bitch!" Kris kept whacking the male. Crissi then Noticed something. They were all nekkie.  
"ARGH! MY NOT SO VIRGIN EYES! GET YOUR NEKKIE ASSES UN-NEKKIE!"  
Apparently they got it, cause the males covered with towels well the one female grabbed the guest bathrobe.  
Crissi kept one hand over her eyes and waved in the general direction the door was in.  
"Find clothes. I don't give a fuck who's clothes, Find clothes. Now. Or else I'll let Kris use Jeffery, my fucking chainsaw. Capche random peopooplas?"  
(peo-poop-oh-laas)  
Kris huffed as she watched everyone filter out, her eyes never straying downwards surprisingly. She poked Crissi to tell her it was alright and they walked down to the living room. Then they actually saw who the fuck was in their house.  
"HOLY MONKEY BALLS FOR BRAINS IT'S THE AKATSUKI- 'eey why da fuck Orochi'phile here?" Kris shouted then backtracked. They walked further into the living room and Crissi couldn't take it. Her eyes flashed from each member, now clad in t-shirts and jeans, and then rolled into her head.  
"CHRYSTAL!"

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**Pretty Damn sure it's doubled.**

**And even though PrincessOfDarkness's reviews are... amusing, I would like other reviews! Come on meh peeps! I mean, I get props from Obama here!**

***Rucka Rucka Ali song reference***

**I don't own that shit either. If I did I would be a billionaire bitches.**

**Review and You get Props from the Akatsuki! And I add a special chapter if I get at least three different reviews, from different peoples!**

**Heres a hint of the special chapter.**

**Seldgy. Jeffery. Hidan.**

**Nuff Said.**

**review!**


	5. Kris takes over! Darn Meds

**Yola! It's Britt, and Darkness here was helping me with this chapter on google docs.**

**Hmmm... one more review and we get the special chapter...**

**Sledgy. Jeffery. Hidan.**

**and here's another hint.**

**Kris on Sugar, and Crissi on her Monthly Gift.**

**Hmmm.. I'm quite sure you should review...**

**even if I only own you, and not naruto.**

**But shhhh... no one knows that...**

**~AkaKatz FTW~**  
**Ch5**

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Kris ran over to her friend and caught her as she fell, the weight making her 'oomph' momentarily. She dragged her onto the couch, after making the Akatsuki move off of it, and set her down, placing a pillow behind her head and a blanket over her. She put a damp cloth on her forehead and turned to the Akatsuki.  
"She's not usually like this…. And why how when where are you here?" Kris raised an eyebrow while gripping Sledgy behind her back. She used it to point at Pein, formally Punk.  
But he's still a punk…  
"And you're going to tell me before Sledgy get's a little… rambunctious…"  
They all took a half-step back. Pein stared at Kris.  
"Where are we."  
"How'd you get here." Kris retorted  
"Tell me where we are or-"  
"Or else what? Or else I kick you out after thoroughly beating you with Sledgy and grabbing Jeffery to chop your male bits off, and you're in the world where if you even do any type of ninja skill they'll grab you and experiment on you till you resemble ground meat with how much they poke and prod you. How'd. You. Get. HERE." She whipped Sledgy forward and it was touching Pein's nose.

Tobi, previously Ninny Hammer, started jumping up and down.  
"Tobi saw a letter a-a-and Tobi opened it! Purple gas swirled around Tobi and Tobi doesn't remember anymore…" Orochimaru cleared his throat a bit.  
"That's where I come in" He said in his snakey voice. Kris shivered a little. What Crissi saw in him and the Uchiha she will never know. "I had slipped the letter under the door to knock the Akatsuki out. Unfortunately when I went in to swiftly eh.. Kill them…"  
The Akatsuki glared at him  
"Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Kakashi found the base and apparently from the chakra signatures at the time, put a jutsu on it. The next thing I know, I'm in a box with the Akatsuki, and we're all felines."  
"And then the old bitch threw us in the damn water" Hidan grumbled, his hand twitching a bit, unused to not having his scythe.  
"I was fine with it" Kisame shrugged, not seeming even a bit unphased that he didn't have his sharkskin sword. Deidera frowned "My hair got wet un!"  
"Fucking nazi priss" Kris growled at the blond bomber. The blond backed up a tiny bit and then Hidan started talking again.  
"Then the blood hair bitch's head popped up over the frikken rim of the damn box."  
"Next we know" Konan continued "The girl on the couch, her name is Crissi from what I gather, correct?" Kris nodded "Well, Crissi is trying to keep us warm and then we're being named, I was pleased with my name by the way-"  
"What the hell does Barbie mean un!" Kris ignored the Nazi  
"And now we're at this point, after being brought back to our human forms." Kakazu ended, annoyed with a bouncing and blabbering Tobi. Kris nodded, slowly lowering Sledgy.  
"Well, you're in Missouri, in the U.S. of A, in the world, in the earth, in the solar system, in this galaxy, in the universe, within the time frame." Kris thought at least half of them lost their brains to combustion.  
"You're lying" Pein the Punk said from behind her, a butchers knife at her neck.

**(A/nBritt: Yea, notice I didn't say kunai? all the stories I've read, their turn up naked, yet still have kunais. Where Dafuq do they hide them?**

** A/nDarkness: under the manhood, of course.**

** A/nBritt:... Mental images not need of Hidan and Deidera *shudders***

** A/nDarkness: So mean, why would you say that? Well truth hurts... And scars!)**

Kris tightened her grip on Sledgy then fully relaxed. "Kill me and you'll have a homicidal Crissi with a Jeffery following you like a stalker on friday night." Many of them were stumped by that, but Kris thought they got the gist of it. Konan gave Pein a 'do it or you're on the couch tonight' type of look and he lowered the knife quickly enough to please Konan but still slow enough to not give anything away.  
"Who spoketh of my Jeffery while I slumbered!" Crissi boomed from the couch then laughed, her eyes still closed. She sighed and curled up. "Kriiiiiiiiiiiiiis I had a weird dream..."  
"It was real baka" Crissi jumped up and landed on Kris's back.  
"So the gumymbear army is really going to come and steal my pickles and torture me with Dora the Explore until I tell the Fugly Dorito where the Poofy Dragon name Poofamufflekins lives so he can eat his liver tasting meat?"  
"..." There was a collective silence, then Crissi continued.  
"Or the one about the Akatsuki being our kittens then turning human, nekkie." That sounded oddly... normal... compared to the other dream.  
"Naked kittens is correct but, I'm sorry to say that Poofamufflekins cant eat his liver and Fugly dorito is still with the gummybear army and are living in their world of 'never existed and never will' well unless your Katy Perry..." Kris replied.  
"Touche me Baka Amigo" that was becoming her catch phrase or something... "But DAFUQ WE HAVE AKATSUKI KITTENS! OmyShabby" Kris facepalmed. She seriously thought Crissi needed a 24 hour asylum session...  
"Kris, you know that last time it didn't work and I got asylum buddies." Damn she's righ-  
"WHAT THE FUCK HOW'D YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING BITCH!"  
"CAUSE I'M AWESOME LIKE THAT dananana dana dana can't touch this" Crissi sighed then slumped her shoulders "Sorry Kris... It's just.. uh.. weeeeeell..." Kris saw something sticking out of her pocket and ripped it from her. She automatically chucked the prescription bottle out of the window.  
"They took you off of those for a reason.." Crissi shrugged then saw Orochimaru.  
"Yes, Orochi'phile is here Crissi." Kris turned to the Akatsuki +1  
"You can stay here, but there's going to be room sharing, no killing us, though maiming those we hate is a-okay. Zetsu, kill hobos for food. Uhm, Crissi and I's word is law, and I know you're criminals, so our word is like the Bibal or whatever that shit is. That means... our rules, our house, you disobey, you die. Even you Hidan. Jashin prefers Priestesess to Priests." Kris explained, staring down all of the Akatsuki. somewhere along the way Criss had scooted over to Orochi'phile and was right next to him, staring like a creeper... "Crissi get over here and stop being creepy!" Orochi'phile was leaning away from her with his eyebrow raised. She sadly walked over to Kris and sat down next to her feet, on the couch that she was standing on so that she was taller than Kisame and Kakuzu. Crissi frowned and cursed the medication she thought was a pain pill.  
Kris sighed then thought of how many bedrooms the house had.  
The Masterbedroom, her and Crissi's room, the spare room and that was it.  
"OKAY! Listen up Eunuchs!" Crissi got their attention then gestured to Kris  
"Thankyou insane person. Now, there's four bedrooms counting me and Crissi's. So the masterbedroom with be Konan and Pein the Punk, the spare room will be... Hidan and Kakazu and Deidera. That leaves Orochi'Phile, Kisame, Uchiha, Tobi, Sasori and Zetsu. Orochi'phile, Itachi and Kisame will join Crissi. She better still be as pure as she is now, or so help me Jashin... Then Tobi, Zetsu, and Chucky will be bunking with me." She looked at the clock and yawned. "And its time for bed. We'll figure the rest out tomorrow." Everyone went to their rooms, most grumbling. The spare room actually had three beds and was spacious, while the master bedroom was a lavender and eggshell theme. Kris showed the men who were bunking with her and Crissi their rooms and then walked into hers.

* * *

Kris Room POV.  
"Okay, you three follow me." I pointed to Tobi, Zetsu, and Sasori.  
Zetsu and Sasori walked calmly behind me as Tobi was at my side bouncing all around blabbering about how 'pretty' everything was. I just sighed and told them to stop and wait a minute. Sasori grumbled a response that I knew was something about not making him wait. Zetsu and Tobi just got into a conversation of which is better; plants or candy.  
I went off to my room and carefully took down my Naruto posters of the akatsuki, and neatly folded them up and shoved them in my bottom drawer of my nightstand. I walked to my door and waved them in, and pointed to the floor.  
"Get cozy 'cause that is where you're sleeping." I announced, but they ignored me, Zetsu is the only one who went to the floor, he checked out my plant in the corner of my room. Tobi yelled "Ohh a bouncy thing!" And started jumping on my bed. and Sasori just stood there staring at me, giving me the 'I'm not sleeping here no matter what you do' look and I sighed.  
"Tobi, stop jumping on my bed!" He stopped jumping but was still standing on it. "Get off of my bed!" He jumped off, but a sheet caught his foot and he fell on his face. I turned to Sasori. "Sasori go to the guest bedroom with Kakuzu, Hidan, and Deidara, make the immortal fuckbuddies sleep in a bed together." Sasori just glared at me but made his way out of my room. I stared at the other two, they stared back. "Eh, you two can stay."  
"YAY! We get to stay in Kris' room Zetsu-sama!" Tobi squealed and jumped off the floor, ran over to Zetsu and started bouncing around him.  
"Tobi be careful or you'll hit the plant!" Zetsu scolded and Tobi jumped away from the plant and over to me.  
"So where do we sleep?" Tobi asked, so very innocently I should add.  
"On the floor." I said with no emotion whatsoever. Zetsu just shrugged and had his green jaw type things on his shoulders close. While Tobi pouted and insisted that if he slept on the floor then the monsters that hide under beds and snatch kids up will get him during the night. I simply told him that, if that was the case then he could sleep on my pull out bed that was hiding in the attic. He gladly set off to find it while I made up my bed so it wasn't annoyingly messy and climbed under the covers, having already turned off the light and fell asleep.

* * *

Crissi's Room POV  
Crissi shook her head as the medication finally wore off. She walked into her room to see the three who were bunking with her looking around. She walked over to her closet and grabbed her pjs. She looked left and then right sneakily (pfft...) and put the PJs on like lightning. She turned around after chucking the clothes into her closet, even though they were Kris's (Every week Kris would raid her closet and reclaim her clothes on Sunday) and her eye twitched. They three looked too innocent, therefore, they peeped.  
"Baka Bakas" She grumbled and put her hair in the tightest dutch braid ever, since her hair was uneven. She patted down her kisame-sized black tshirt and walked over to said Shark man.  
"Hey Kisame can you help me grab the extra mattresses?" Kisame nodded and they headed into the hallway. Crissi jumped, trying to pull down the stairs. She groaned then got an idea.  
"Kisame, don't move." Suddenly she she was sitting on Kisame's shoulders, Kisame's hands quickly held onto her knees when she wobbled a bit. She grabbed The hold and brought the stairs down. She lowered herself so she was piggybacking and pointed forward.  
"Onward, Oh Great Shark Lord!" Kisame chuckled and went up the stairs, then watched his step since most of the attic was just beams. Crissi jumped down and easily manuevered about the attic, looking light as a feather. See, while Kris had strength and speed, Crissi had agility and speed. But Kris had taught her how to easily make any solid hit hurt, while Crissi taught Kris how to be a little lighter on her feet. Crissi danced her way to the mattress and grabbed it. She grunted and put it so it was resting on her head, her hands gripping it firmly. She went back to Kisame and handed him it.  
"We'll only need one since my bed has a pull out." Kisame nodded and brought the mattress down and back into her room. Crissi got down and closed the door by using all her strength to throw it back into the ceiling.  
*SLAM-CRACK* ohhh.. there probably shouldn't be lines outstretching from the door...  
After sheeting and blanketing and pillowing the mattress, she pulled out a pull out bed from the side of her bed. They were already sheeted, blanketed, and pillowed.  
"Listen up peoples!" She noticed Itachi was on the other side of the room from Orochimaru.  
"The past is the past, let it go. No stealing eyes." She said to Itachi and Orochimaru in that order.  
"Now, Kisame will get that mattress since it's a full." She nudged the mattress on the floor.  
"Someone can grab the pull out and someone can bunk with me." She grabbed her mp3, ignoring everyone, and jumped into her bed, making sure to go to the side near the french doors. Then she rethought what she said. "OKAY nevermind. Kisame is bunking with me, uhm Itachi gets the pullout since I know they are OK with each other, and Orochimaru, you get the full." She sure as hell didn't want to bunk with a crush, so she'll bunk with the Shark Lord. Crissi grabbed her black teddy bear and got comfortable, Kisame got on the bed slowly, hesitating.  
Crissi rolled her eyes, sat up, and opened the blankets for him. There was the sheet, a regular blanket, a comforter, and two quilt on the bed. "Just get in" She groaned and he blinked. She positioned him so he was under the blankets and then covered him, the turned and got comfortable again.  
"I swear to god, if I hear any fighting or insults, your balls are going to be disguised as dango and fed to Hidan. Capche? Capche. Goodnight." They all mumbled goodnight since her tone was expectant, but Kisame's a genuine.

* * *

**Review! you know you want the special chapter!**

**Review or else those hints up there ^ will be sent to your house.**

**With a Tobi on Crac- I mean sugar.**


	6. Crack Chap! First everCan be standalone

**A/NBritt: Okay, so I was listening to Drowning Pool Let The Bodies Hit The Floor, Korn Narcissitic Cannibal and Shoots n Ladders, and Mettalica Sad But True while writing this. Let's see how this turns out. Oh and Flame if you want, since this is my first EVER crack ANYTHING.**

**Akatsuki Kats FTW**  
**Chapter 5.5**  
**Meet Jeffery**

* * *

The akatsuki +1 sat in the living room when they suddenly heard Crissi scream bloody blue murder. Kris ran in stuffing colorful candies in her mouth in a blue bunny suit, Sledgy in her hand.  
"HI HO THE WITCH IS DEAD, THE WICKED WITCH" She sang as she skipped, her hair in pigtails. She ran up to Tobi.  
"Tobitobitobitobitobi…. HERES SOME SURGAR!" She shoved the white powdery contents of a baggie down Tobi's throat and laughed like a maniac. She then whipped Sledgy and abused Deidera's head.  
"AHK ABUSE!"  
"NAZI ABUUUUUUUSE!" Kris shrieked. Then a disheveled Crissi stomped down the stairs like a mad woman, her hair in a rat's nest and wearing tattered clothes. She unhooked something from her back.  
"JEFEREY WANTS TO PLA~AY" Texas Chainsaw Massacre music began playing as she got an evil glint in her eye.  
"What the fuck bitch are you on your fucking period or some shi-" Crissi started hacking at Hidan while he ran screaming like a little girl. Kris pulled out weed killer and spritzed Zetsu, making him turn brown. He started crying, both sides of him.  
"NUUUUU!" He shrieked. Crissi came back with Hidan's head on a stick. She poofed a bonfire outa nowhere and started roasting it.  
Tobi started spinning and laughing in both his voices at once.  
"TOBI SEES PINK ELEPHANTS!" Kris nodded and was jumping around like a jack rabbit as she kept hitting Deidera. She then got a bowl of water and attempted to drown him.  
"DAMNIT DIE YOU BRIGHT HAIRED BITCH OF A NAZI!" Crissi started laughing like an evil scientist and pointed her chainsaw at Kakazu. He wasn't phased by it…  
Until a sack of HIS money was placed in front of the chainsaw. Suddenly green paper was everywhere and he scrambled to retreive it.  
"MY PRECIOUS!" He started trying to tape it together but Crissi flicked a match onto the papers, The the flames touched Jeffery and he became four times as deadly. She raced after Hidan's body, his head trying to give directions from his place on the spit.  
"TAKE A FUCKING LEFT! No you moron my left! MY FUCKING LEFT NOT YOUR JASHIN DAMN LEFT!" His body hit the wall and was hacked to firey pieces.  
Kris and Tobi were swinging in circles around Deidera, who was wearing a pink frilly dress with his hair in pigtails  
"Ring around the rosie, pocket full of poisies, ashes ashes we all fall down!" Kris fell down onto Deidera, strangling him, as Tobi painted his nails zebra print. Then Tobi laughed like a mad WOMAN and started giggling, putting a blond wig on and a pink dress with fake boobs. He started yelling about neon rats and Kris was sitting on his shoulders all the while.

Later, they Crissi and Kris had gotten out the alcohol and forced it down everyone's throats. Itachi was hugging Orochimaru, trying to kiss the man. Orochimaru was fawning over Shadow, while the poor guinea pig hid in his igloo. Kisame was talking to Jazmin as if the cat was a fish while Kakazu was doing.. Inexplicit things with a few dollars he had salvaged.

Konan and Pein were in the master bedroom… uhm… doing the nasty.. While Tobi was attempting to hug Kris while Deidera was making out with his hands. Kris was trying to hug Tobi too, but both of them had taped multiple pillows to their stomachs and couldn't wrap their arms around each other. And Kris previously got Tobi to get a small tattoo. Crissi stood in the doorway and laughed, getting it all on camera. She posted it to you tube. See, after skinning, roasting, and almost getting the still brown Zetsu to eat Hidan, she actually took some freakin Midol. And got girl toiletries. She laughed evilly but then EVERYONE turned to her.  
"OH FUCKING CRAP!"  
"DOG PILE!" Everyone jumped on her, Hidan's head sitting on top. Dierea was bouncing as he laid on everyone, making Crissi pull a disgusted face. Deidera was in the middle, and the one crushing Crissi's windpipe the most was Kisame.  
"Hullo fishy lady" He slurred. His eyes had a weird glint in them...  
Oh fuck.  
"Uhm.. Kisame… Itachi ate your brother!" Suddenly everyone was thrown off Crissi and Kisame was strangling Itachi. Then Itachi passed out, and this caused a chain reaction. Crissi passed out after she got air back, while Everyone, san Kris and Tobi, passed out also from starting to get a hangover already.  
Kris laughed and death hugged Tobi.  
Tobi turned Madara and spoke.  
"Never give me sugar ever again…" He said drowsily. Kris smiled.  
"Sure Madara-Kun, I wont give you cr- sugar ever again." Kris grinned and hugged the masked man, seeing a small tattoo behind his neck that said  
'Num Nums and Madara'. She grinned and mentally thanked the hobo who gave her the crack. She fell asleep, the sugar leaving her energy (or to Crissi, Energon.. Freaking Transformers fan girl… And Thor.. And Avengers... You get it..) depleted.


	7. We enter the GameAnime Rooms!

**By Britt3899 and PrincessOfDarkness216**

**Filler-Chappie**

**Plot soon. Promise.**

**No owney!**

**Cover for the story soon:) Chibi-version!**

**~AkaKatz FTW~**  
**Ch6**

* * *

  
Kris woke up to a mask in her face.  
"...Seriously Madara..." She hissed in the quietest voice possible. Suddenly she was being deprived of air, Madara's hand around her throat.  
"Don't tell anyone or else you won't live to see another day Kirsten." He said, his dark voice threatening. Kris smirked and even though she was barely intaking air, maked a smart ass remark.

"You know, you're sexy when you use the Madara voice." Madara seemed taken back a bit, and Kris hopped outta bed, going straight to her closet. She grabbed a white tank top and pulled a button up thick blue long sleeve over it, leaving most the buttons undone. She pulled on acid washed jeans and slipped on sandals since it was a 90 degree day out. She put her hair in a low ponytail and turned to her roommates after she came out of the shower.

Sasori was hanging out on the balcony, while Zetsu was...talking with the plant...  
Ok-ay then...

Tobi was jumping on her bed...again.. Kris rolled her eyes and walked out of the room and into Crissi's. She contained her laughter when she entered though.

Orochimaru was looking at her notebook while Itachi was reading Bitter Melon. The blanket was thrown off the bed like usual, but Crisis was WRAPPED around Kisame. Her upper torso was on his stomach while her head was on his chest, a leg was wrapped around his thigh, his other thigh thrown over her. She was hugging him like a teddy bear also, while he had one arm under his head and the other around her side.

Kris took out her trusty phone and snapped pictures then turned to the two awake in the room.

"Why didn't you guys wake them up?" It was silent.  
"Kisame isn't pleasant to awaken." Itachi spoke up. Kris nodded  
"Yeah. Crissi would've de-balled you. She's done it before." They went ridged. Kris walked over to the two in the bed and nudged Crissi's foot.  
"Wakey Wakey..." Nothing. "Wake da fuck up.." A twitch then nothing.  
"WAKE UP OR JEFFERY WILL END UP IN HEAVEN WITH BOB!" Even threatening her chainsaw wouldn't wake her up. And Bob was her rotary saw... who had died about three years ago..

"Come on Crissi~!" Kris groaned then saw the Kisame was blinking himself awake. "Y'know what, I don't feel like torturing you awake. TeddyShark, wake up the baka." Kris waved it off then went downstairs. She went straight to the phone and called IHop.

See, IHop doesn't deliver.  
Unless it's them.  
Kris forgot to put Sledgy away one day before going there... Nuff Said.

"Okay, I want three of everything, and get it here fast." Kris hung up and walked into the living room. Every Akatsuki was there except Kisame, but including Orochimaru.

"... you can sit down y'know. Just relaaaaax. Sledgy is tired today, it's all good."  
```Ring around the rosies pocket full of posies``` Crissi's phone went off. She must've left it downstairs last night. Kris grabbed it and answered.  
"Yo, this is Charlie at the Undertaker. We chop, dice, and pickle all parts of the body." The person on the other end laughed. "Oh hey Court. Is Nick and Alex there?"  
"mmm cool. Did Alex break up with Butch? ha knew it. Yea she's asleep. Yea seeya." She hung up. Everyone was staring at the phone.  
"What is that un"

"Well, Mr. Nazi Barbie, this is a cell phone. It's like a radio, but better." she flicked on the TV.

"Anddd I'm so not explaining this." She growled as Tobi raised his hand for a question.  
"Okay! who want's to help me wake up Crissi? No takers? OKAY THEN! Hidan, Nazi, an~d Konan!" The three mentioned sighed, swore in Hidan's case, and followed her. Konan seemed okay with it though. They walked into Crissi's room and saw her still asleep, but with a fully awake Kisame in her grasp.

"Uh..." Kisame 'uh'ed. Kris placed Deidera near Crissi along with Hidan and told Konan to get a glass of water. When Konan got the water Kris dumped it on Crissi. Suddenly red and black came flying at her, but she moved an inch and the missile was going after Hidan.

"SON OF A BITCH WHY DID YOU MOTHER FUCKING WAKE ME! I'LL CASTRATE YOU THEN MAKE YOU EAT SHIT! I'LL FUCKING MAKE YOU EAT YOUR OWN MAN PARTS! YOU DON'T FUCKING WAKE ME UP YOU MAN-WHORING CUN-" She was cut off by Kisame who picked her up and restrained her. She calmed herself and Kris assessed the damage, nodding.

"Well, you successfully ripped his eyes out, his head off, and ripped out his heart." Kakazu had come up, hearing Hidan's screams. Pein and Orochimaru had followed the miser.

"..." Most were shocked except Kris.

"She went easy on him. If she reallly wanted to hurt him she would have de-balled him within five seconds. This is why we have a years supply of alarm clocks." Kris patted Crissi on the head then heard the doorbell ring. "Foods here." Crissi smiled, though still restrained. She slipped out of Kisame's grasp and threw on a dark yellow bumblebee stripe tank that said 'BumbleBee Rocks' with a yellow camaro in the corner and black buckle skinny jeans. She threw on black ankle boots and a black headband and her glasses then ran down the stairs.

"FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOOOOOOD~!" She chanted as she missed the first step then went flying over the whole staircase, falling a story.

"Ouchies.." She didn't notice her bloody forehead and rushed for the food.  
"Wash your forehead." Kris yelled at her without looking. Crissi grumbled and did as she was told. Kris turned the the Akatsuki +1 and motioned for them to sit down. Crissi came back with a bandage on her forehead and went straight to her normal seat. Kris went to sit down but saw that Tobi was in her seat.

"Butt outta chair. Now." Tobi didn't move. "Tobi get your ass outta my chair or else."

"Or else what Kris-chan?" Kris's eye started to twitch. She grabbed a small bag labbed 'I feel bad for you -Crissi' and brought Tobi into the other room.

"Now a moment of silence for Tobi-baka." She bowed her head. "Screw it, that SOB had it coming." She dug into her food, and the Akatsuki, after getting Pein's nod, started to eat also.

They add finished god knows how many pancakes, waffles, hash browns, bacon, sausage, and fruit salads when Tobi and Kris came back in. Crissi had made sure to leave 3 plates of pancakes, bacon and hash browns and a fruit salad for the two. Tobi was shaking and there was a dark cloud around his whole body. Everyone could see Kris putting items back into the bag.  
A banana, two kiwis, and a pocket knife.  
"Kris, I love how you made sure to put the trojan in before walking in." Kris gave Crissi a thumbs up and dug into her food. Tobi slowly ate his plate of pancakes.  
"What did she do?" Kakazu asked. He had learned to never count his money near Kris, so his money was 'stashed' somewhere.

_Flashback_  
_"Crissi~"_  
_"No."_  
_"But I need it~"_  
_"No. Go ask 'Lex, 'Ny or 'Lett."_  
_"They don't give me enough and they've stopped~" Kris kept whining._  
_"The Miser will give you some." Kris went wide-eyed._  
_"If he got two times more back! Please, only for a little while~"_  
_"No. Now get, before I torture you with neon colors." Kris pouted and went down the stairs, the door to Crissi's study slamming shut behind her. She sat down on the couch dejectedly, between the zealot and miser._  
_"Damn Crissi, won't even give me a little bit." She grumbled._  
_"...Damn, I wanna freaken see it if she does fucking give you some." Hidan had a far off look._

_"We're not gay." Kris deadpanned. Hidan frowned, "Asshole. I was talking about-" She didn't finish her sentence. "Hey Kakazu-sama~" said stitched man raised an eyebrow. He was counting his money and didn't want to be disturbed. On the coffee table, in piles, was over ten-thousand american dollars. A thousand per pile._

_"Deidera found a wad of cash and is going to blow it up." Kakazu was out of there in a flash. Kris had to work fast. She whipped out non-profitable bills and switched it with the legal ones, successfully snatching a thousand in cash. She then ran out the door and into her minibus-van named Vanny and roared off down the street. Crissi walked down the stairs to see Itachi reading, Kisame watching the discovery channel, Pein and Konan talking, Deidera strangling Tobi, Zetsu was probably outside, Orochimaru was reading also, and Hidan was laughing at a crying Kakazu who was literally burning the fake money with his eyes._

_She turned around, walked up the stairs, and after thinking 'What happened down there? Oh yeah- Kris happened', went to sleep._  
_Flashback end_

'Never again' Kakazu thought, shivering.

Too bad the girls knew he had it stashed under a floorboard under his bed.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you." Crissi answered through a bottle of water. Deidera snorted then got back to fighting with Sasori about art. Kris rolled her eyes.  
"Crissi, stop those two's infernal bickering. I'm trying to eat here."  
"BAKA ARTISTS! Art is art, period. Art to some is eternal, art to others; fleeting. So me personally it's both and more. Therefore, kindly shutit!" Crissi huffed then turned to Kris. "Crissi do good?"  
"Crissi did great."  
"Yay. I'm heading to the game room. Who's with me?"

"No one? okay! Kisame, Hidan, Deidera, Konan, and Itachi- Oh and Orochimaru! I summon you all to the game room!" Leaving Kris with Tobi, Pein the Punk (1), Kakazu, Sasori, Zetsu (wherever he is), and herself.

"So..." Kris thought back to a fanfiction. "Oh! Idea! Fuck yeaus!" She grabbed the housephone and started dialing. "Hi Mrs. Brians, are the kids home? Okay, can you tell them to head over? Thank you. Bye." Kris smiled, then it dropped when the phone rang. "Hello, this is the Lange-Nummers Residence, Kirsten Nummers speaking." Now that she thought back to it, they have caller ID... Baka.

The Akatsuki members with her were listening carefully.

"Oh.. Hello Mr. Lange- I mean Alan. Okay, I'll tell Crissi. Yup, of course. Okay, Goodbye." Kris rolled her eyes then sighed. "Damnit, now Isabell is coming over." The phone rang again. "oH FOR THE LOVE OF!" She screamed then answered. "Hello, this is Kris. Oh hello Ms. L- I mean Ms. Pimentel. Oh, soon to be Mrs. Mathon, I'm happy for you. No I don't know when she can visit, but I'll tell her to call you soon. At most sometime this , goodbye." The Akatsuki were surprised at her change of tone, from screaming to a perfectly calm voice.

"CHRYSTAL ROSE LANGE I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUR FAMILY IF THEY CALL ONE MORE TIME!" She screamed, then knocked on wood. "LIke I want one of her grandparents calling.." She turned to the Akatsuki.  
"Okay, if the phone rings, don't touch it. touch it, and the hand that made contact with it is being fed to Zetsu."

With Crissi, about ten minutes earlier.  
Crissi led those who she told to come with her, she was surprised they didn't protest, down to the basement. She went behind the staircase and opened a trap door under it in the closet. She turned to those behind her. "Whoever is last close it please." She started climbing down the ladder, pulling a string on the way down. The lights flickered for a moment and by the time everyone was on the ground, they were on. Crissi went into the left door out of the two options. Inside was her heaven, her domain, her castle.  
Though Kris had equal claim to it.  
The room had deep green walls and a concrete floor, on the wall furthest from the door was a TV that took up most of the wall. It was a 92 inch flatscreen, with surround sound. Under it was a small selection of games, but on the wall to the left of the door was many games, taking up most the middle of the wall. On the right wall was shelves upon shelves of gaming systems. On the ground was bean bags, a futon, and a egg chair hung from the ceiling with pillows in it. They had to walk through a wall of beads strung from the ceiling after getting past the threshold of the door. "Meet, The Gaming Room." Crissi gestured to the room and went straight for the games. The Xbox 360 was already set up, so she grabbed Battlefield 3 and logged onto Live, then paused. She switched BattleField 3 with Dance Masters Evolution and turned to everyone.  
"I need one person to play this with me." Her eyes raked through them. "What about you, Konan? We'll play an easy one." Konan smiled and stood next to Crissi. Crissi picked Night Of Fire, and the levels Extrem for her and Light for Konan. "Do what the man does Konan. Only the gestures marked with colors."

"CHRYSTAL ROSE LANGE I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUR FAMILY IF THEY CALL ONE MORE TIME!" By now Crissi had let Hidan and Deidera play Left 4 Dead and was sitting on the Futon with orochimaru, itachi was in the egg chair while Kisame and konan where lounging in bean bag chairs. Hidan and Deidera were sitting on large cushions.  
"Of course.." Crisis sighed then leaned against Orochimaru's shoulder. He was trying to figure out how to use her laptop. Right now, he was trying to figure out how to turn it on. Crissi's hand snaked out and pressed the power button lightly. She manuevered his hand and taught him how to use the laptop while everyone there did their own little thing.

With Kris- Current  
They had all been bored so Kris brought them into the anime room- which was cluttered with posters covering the lavender walls and deep blue colored blow-up couches on the dark orange rug. There was one three seater couch and two two seater couches, and one large water mattress covered in foam-like pillows. Kris jumped onto the mattress and grabbed the remote. Other than what was mentioned, the room was the same as the gaming room, minus the contents ( Manga, anime, dvd player, plushies.) She hit play and OutLaw Star came hung out in the wall, while Kakazu and Sasori sat on different sides of the couch, Pein on one of the two seaters, and Tobi joined Kris on the mattress. Everyone fell asleep in that room, going through the whole series of OutLaw Star just before they passed out. Though Sasori kept rewatching the series.

Everyone in the other room passed out also, Kisame curled up on a large beanbag, Hidan using many cushions, Deidera on the circle chair, and Itachi in the egg chair, book on nose. Konan had grabbed many blankets and was laying on a few beanbags chairs while Orohimaru was laying on the futon which was still in couch position, Crissi's legs entangled with his and her torso happily laying on his, her head under his chin. On the TV you could see the main screen of Halo: Reach.


	8. Lex, Court, n Nick Brians, Yola to ya!

**By Now you should know who this is by -_-**

**POD216 did awesomely on this... She wrote the Kris POV and some of the Third Person POV.**

**Alexander, Courtney, and Nicolette are my OCs (Britt3899). They are _not_ main characters, therefore will not be treated as main characters.**

**Thats means no pairings with them, and no real focus on them that much.**

**There may be an OC/OC pairing with them, though it will be only mentioned really.**

**Review and we work faster!**

**Oh, and the cover is coming into play! Suggestions?**

**~AkaKats FTW~**  
**Chapter 7**  


* * *

  
Kris POV  
I was rudely awaken by a kick in the side, and angrily bit the leg, only to find that the leg was wood and spit it out of my mouth. "Why the hell did you kick me puppet fuck?" I growled looking around the room, Zetsu and Tobi weren't here. I glared at Sasori and he only stared back.  
"Crissi said that breakfast is ready."  
"Tell the bitch to get me herself." I growled and stuffed my face back into my pillow and earned yet another kick into my side. "FUCK YOU!" I ripped off his leg and started using it to beat the living shit out of him all the while yelling random curse words. When satisfied I threw his leg back at him and stomped downstairs, to the kitchen and over to Crissi's chair.  
She smiled, turned to me and asked "Did you have a good wakeup call?"  
"I'll give you three seconds." She took off while I calmly counted " One...Two...Three" I took off after her yelling, "YOU BETTER RUN FASTER BITCH I STILL SEE YOU!" My murderous intention making me go faster,easily catching up to her as I ran after her and tackled her into a wall.  
"...Ou...c...h...ie...s..." Crissi groaned, slowly coming back to her senses, I laughed and yanked her up to a standing position, she held her head. "Oww." she whined.  
"Shut up it's what you get for being a pussy and not getting me yourself, sending a puppet. Really? Well he better be able to fix himself or he is in trouble."  
She looked at me and sighed, "It can't be that bad." I took her up to seen him in his pieces and she gasped. "ITS THAT BAD!" Crissi yelled in my face.  
I will save you from the terror by giving you a similar sight, picture a piece of wood broken many times and then there is a head with red hair and a very beat up looking torso next to the head and the pieces of wood sticking out of the walls. Yeah that is close enough.  
"HE KICKED ME! HE DESERVES IT!" I yelled back in her face.  
"WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO? GIVE YOU A MAGICAL KISS?" She yelled back.  
"WHY THE HELL COULDN'T YOU COME YOU LAZY ASS!"  
"BECAUSE I WAS COOKING!"  
"THAT'S NOT A GOOD REASON! YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE WAITING FOR BREAKFAST TO BE DONE UNLESS I'M DOING THE BREAKFAST!"  
"Guys?" Sasori said but we kept bickering and didn't notice that he was putting himself back together.  
"THEN MAYBE YOU NEED ALARM CLOCKS AS WELL!" Crissi yelled.  
"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MAKE A GOOD SUGGESTION?" I yelled  
"BECAUSE OF YOUR LAZY ASS WE HAVE TO FIX CHUCKY! YOU KNOW HE IS GOING TO KILL US!" Crissi yelled.  
"GOOD POINT! ON THE COUNT OF THREE RUN BECAUSE I'M SURE HE HAS BUILT HIMSELF BACK TOGETHER!" We both looked at each other and then noticed that the pieces of wood that were once in the walls were gone and a dark aura in the room. We looked down to see that Sasori had built himself back together and was pissed.

Third person POV  
"ONE-TWO-THREE!" Kris shouted so fast it sounded like 'hump-a-tree'.  
"RUN FOR THE LOVE OF TACOS!"  
"WHAT SHE SAID!"

Kris took a sharp corner and threw Crissi into the closet, jumping in after her, closing the door.  
"For the love of- stop moving!" Kris hissed as Crissi shuffled about in the dark. She heard a creak then felt Crissi yank her down, and she fell further than the floor.  
"God Kris you're fat- hold onto the rungs!" Crissi cursed under her breath until Kris found ladder rungs and climbed down them, Crissi following. She closed the trap door just before the closet door was opened.  
"When the fuck were you going to tell me about this little place?" Crissi shrugged, pulling on a cord, making lights flicker on. Now Kris could see the concrete floor and walls, and a few shelves and a futon. She turned to Crissi, she shrugged once more.  
"I have to have somewhere to escape when you're on your period." Kris narrowed her eyes at her, then followed her to the other side of the room. Crissi ducked and started through a long tunnel, Kris behind her. After five minutes of walking, Crissi climbed up the side of the tunnel and moved foliage covering the exit, then hosted Kris out of the tunnel, recovering the exit.  
"We're in the back yard... how come in five years of living with you, I've never noticed this?" Crissi laughed, shrugging for a third time. "... You suck. Let's go back..."  
"...We're stopping to get weapons though."  
"Good deal."

Third Person POV- In house.  
Sasori sighed as he sat on the couch. It would take weeks to re-sand this body. It took some Deidera-bashing to calm him down, and he was still irratated. Pein, Konan, Tobi, and Itachi where in the master bedroom, probably working on plans to get back to their world. Sasori wasn't stupid- there has to be some reason that Tobi of all people was involved with these meetings, but truthfully, he couldn't care less, as long as the annoying brat didn't screw up his puppets.

Kisame laughed- he had gotten along well with the girls with the past few days they've been there. Crissi had come to call him a 'bro' while Kris was a good, odd and unique, friend. Kisame turned and saw Deidera arguing with Sasori about art, again. Hidan was watching a movie on the TV, he was pretty sure it was called 'SAW III'. Blood, gore, mindless murder- perfect for the zealot. Kakazu was counting his money, though after ever thousand or so, he would look around to make sure Kris was nowhere in sight, and even then he didn't let it leave his hands. Kisame sighed. It's been an hour since they lost sight of the girls. In this world, there was no chakra. It was like their chakra streams were mute when it came to tracking.  
A loud bang was heard and everyone turned to the door to see Kris and Crissi, dressed oddly with what they had explained as weapons in their hands.

Unknown to Kisame, what they were dressed in is called 'camo'. To be exact, Kris was wearing camo jeans, steel-toe boots, and a black long sleeve top, her hair in a high ponytail. She was wielding Sledgy on her back a Shotty the Shotgun in her hands, a string of caps around her neck, and a knife on her belt. Crissi was wearing her knee-combats, camo shorts, and a black tank top, her hair down. She had a knife on her tank top strap, a pistol in her hand, and a baton-like staff hooked to her back.  
Normal for them, odd for the rest of the world.  
Wanna know what would've been even more bad-ass?  
If Crissi's phone didn't go off.  
"Hello, this is Corporal Fluff, you're calling for enlistment in my bunny army?" She answered.  
"..." There was a pause, within that paused Kris's finger slipped on her shotgun.  
'slipped'  
"YOU FUCKING BITCH!"  
"Okay, later." Crissi hung up and turned to Kris. "We got recruits. They got drafted."  
"Oh man, I hope Lex doesn't go all... Lex.. on them."  
"Eh-" Crissi was cut off, the door behind them flew open, sending them flying.  
"We're here Sir!" Three figures stood in the doorway. A clearly spanish male who was about 6 feet tall and had shoulder length hair, an albino girl who was up to the man's shoulder with butt-length black hair, and a caramel skinned girl with hair stuffed in a beanie that was up to the other girl's shoulder.  
"Private First Class Alexander, Private Nicolette, and Sub-Private Courtney, at ease." Kris rolled her eyes. Every..single..time.. they came over, this was how they came in...  
And every single time, they got hit via the door.  
"Who the fuck are they?" Hidan yelled.  
Kris's head snapped to his direction, "IF YOU WERE LISTENING YOU WOULD OF HEARD THEIR NAMES YOU ASSHOLE!"  
"What the fuck did I do?" Hidan yelled back.  
"EVERYTHING" Kris obviously was mad at being flung to the other side of the room - again - by the three at the door, she glared at them. "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALWAYS COME THROUGH THAT FUCKING DOOR!" Kris yelled and the 6' male, Alexander, waved her off.

"Now, who do we get to go on crazy on?" Lex, asked a hint of crazy in his eyes. The akatsuki just stared at us, looking at us with faces of 'WTF is going on'. We ignored them and told our plan to them. Lex grinned, as did Court, but Nick rolled her eyes and gracefully walked over to the couch and sat on the one cushion that wasn't taken up by the Akatsuki. Like seriously, it looked like she floated. Her army get-up was a floor length camo a-line dress with tank-top sleeves. She always wore a floor length dress, and it usually had long sleeves but a wide neck. Court stuck her tongue out at her adopted sister and flew at Crissi, tackling the girl in a hug. Court always had her short hair stuck in a beanie, a hoodie either on her or tied at her waist, and baggy cargo pants with army registration boots. Alex wore simple t-shirts, and loose jeans, and converse. Lex grinned and turned to the Akatsuki. Kris restrained him by putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Non of them bend that way Lex, sorry." Lex pouted and began to fake cry. "Freaking weirdo... But that's why you're our friend..." Crissi pried Court off of her and took a step away.  
"So, nice cosplays-" Court got cut off.  
"Courtney Shawna Brians, move your caramel ass and look at the Nazi's hands. NOW!" Kris shoved Court in Deidera's direction. Diedera shrugged and held up his hands, the tongues lolling out of the mouths.  
"Holy Mutha Fuck'n Shite." Court speed-talked. "Freakin Legit Nazi- Holy Shite Kris!"  
A light shined in Court's eye and she slowly turned to Crissi.  
"No. Don't even think about it." Court frowned then shrugged, putting her Ipod away. Kris jogged up the stairs, ignoring the looks she got, and came back downstairs with a duffel bag and kicked everyone san the Akatsuki +1 out the door. "When we go back in, I OPEN THE DOOR AND YOU FUCKERS DON'T TOUCH IT!" Kris shouted at the three Brians kids. She chucked the duffel bag at them and they got out their choice of weapon. For Nick it was throwing knifes, for Lex it was an MSR sniper rifle, and for Court it was dual wielding mini-uzis.  
"Everyone ready?" Crissi asked her soldiers.  
"Sir Yes Sir!" They 'saluted' which was a regular salute, but it was only the middle finger.  
"Let's go kick some ninja ass."

* * *

Review and we work faster!  
It's only a click away!

- - - People Info: - - -  
Kris Nummers: Pale. Blue eyes. Brown hair that went to waist with Deidera bangs that have horizantel stripes. normal-Skinny. Almost the same height as Crissi.

Orientation: Straight? **(A/NBritt: I'll Edit This when POD216 tells me what Kris's Orientation is.)**

Crissi Lange: American. Pale. Nape of neck in back, chest in front length crimson hair. hazel eyes. Tall. Skinny (anorexic-skinny, but she's not anorexic)

Orientation: Slightly Bi, but mostly Straight

Alexander (Lex) Brians: Spanish, Tan, shoulder length brown hair, barely noticable 'stache, 6 feet tall, a bit buff. Orientation: Gay.

Courtney ('Ny or Court) Brians: Caramel skinned. Bi-racial. shaggy ear-length brown hair with bronze streaks. Shortest of the three. Brown eyes, lean, skinny but not anorexic-skinny.

Orientation: Bi, but more into males. Has dated a few females.

Nicolette (Nick or 'Lett) Brians: Albino. Blue eyes, wavy black hair (Butt-length), average height.  
Orientation: Straight.


	9. Hoorah! Kris the perv!

******Plot soon? Don't killz meh!**

******:D read and review peoples!**

******POD216 and I don't own anything other than ourselves, you, that kitten in the corner...**

******AkaKatz FTW  
Ch8  
BatShit Crazy with Bullets**

* * *

"Hoorah!" Court shouted as she started blasting off her dual Uzi's, her chosen target being Kakuzu. Nick started doing her agile routine, throwing knifes into Hidan's chest, pulling them back to her with a string tied to the knifes. Kakazu's threads went out and started chasing the caramel skinned girl while she yelled.

"TENTACLE RAPE! THIS IS NOT MY KIND OF KINKY!"

Lex's target was Sasori, he chose to stay outside and Kris had opened all the windows in the house, and Lex was in a tree, sniping the red-head easily.  
See, they wanted to have fun.  
But Court was against actually killing the anime-characters  
Kris was sooooo sad at this fact.  
"Come and get it mother fuckers!" Kris shouted, using her pump-action shotgun on Deidera, even though he could die.  
He's a Nazi. He was supposed to die with Hitler.  
"HAIL HITLER!"  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP CRISSI- wait.. Get out of my head you little shit!" *cha-chunk* *bang*  
"Son ofa bitch, un!"  
"Why would I wanna be in your head bitch? Theres some crazy, scary ass shit in there!"  
"No shi- How the fuck do you know this! Get out of my mother fucking head you hoe!"  
Crissi head-shotted Hidan multiple times then changed her mag, ignoring her friend.  
*shh-thunk!* "That was my fucking heart you little cu-" Nick ripped the knife out of his, Hidan's, heart and through his throat, ripping out his vocal cords with it.  
"Tobi is scared!"  
"Shut up, yeah! That was my god-damn arm, un!"  
"'s Jshn ammiy!" (It's Jashin Damnit!) Hidan gurgled somehow.  
Sasori growled, sending his chakra strings out to search for Lex.  
"I don't think so puppet-fuck...That would hurt..." Lex, put aside your gay intinct for a moment.. A resounding 'bang-bang' went through the surrounding area and Sasori's hands were shot off at the wrist joint.  
"Brat!" He roared.  
See, some were smart. About the time that Tobi said he was scared, Itachi, Kisame, Orochimaru, Pein, Konan, Zetsu, and Tobi went somewhere, anywhere, other than the living room.  
And some were idiot, Nazi loving, Jashin-damnable, complete and utter idiots and stayed there.  
"Run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'M THE GINGERBREAD MAN!" Kris yelled as Deidara chased her around the living room holding the arm that was shot off, tryin' to whack her with it. She laughed evilly, well until she ran into Kakuzu, he glared at her and she laughed as she finally noticed that Nick was caught in his ropes of rape. She was screaming, so Kris wondered how she hadn't noticed before.

She quickly snapped out of her thoughts as Deidara started whacking her with his arm, and to Kris it felt like she was getting beat with wet clay. Being the smart-ass she is she commented,

"Sir you seem to have the Douchebag syndrome, hitting like a girl, but acting so tough, yup sure signs."

She got whacked again, harder. She laughed, it still didn't hurt.

When Kris escaped Deidara's mind-blowing 'torture' by his arm, she ran around trying to figure out where everyone else was. When she found them - they were 'hiding' in her anime room, watching episode 4 of Kiss x Sis... WHAT THE FUCK!  
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND THAT!" Kris yelled, they looked at the door, only now noticing her.

Tobi giggled, "Kris-san is a pervert."

Now to tell you where they were, Itachi was with Kisame on the blow-up couch Tobi, Pein, and Konan were on the three-seater. Tobi was upside down, his legs over the back to the couch, then Pain, in the middle, sitting the right way of course and Konan on his other side. Orochimaru was all alone on the mattress, and Zetsu was hanging out in the wall.  
Kris stared at the screen and her body moved on it's own, she became in a trance as she dropped all of her weapons, except her knife and plopped down on Kisame's lap.  
She didn't even notice that she got weird stares from everyone in the room, even Pain rose his eyebrows to Kisame and Kisame just shrugged. Kris was still staring at the screen, now episode 7 had turned on. Soon, sadly, the series was over and Kris sighed.  
"Well, lets go see what the idiots have done then we can talk about where you found this at." Kris said as she got up and walked to the door then Kris stopped and narrowed her eyes at Konan, yes Konan, she shook her head and shrugged. So it wasn't Konan who did it and Orochimaru will never go under her bed - well he would never go in her room anyway, so he's out of the question. Pein is into Konan so he's cool. Kisame might but he is too big to fit under my bed, so that leaves Itachi or Tobi.

"So there were scary things under Kris-san's bed." Tobi giggled,well I guess he did it.

"Tobi...Did you go under my bed?" He looked at me and nodded, I mentally started to strangle him. My eye started twitching, "Did you get the other ones?" He nodded again and held them up. Kris had a Kakashi moment, lightning flashed around me as she stared in awe at the discs and manga he held up.

Kris quickly made up her mind as she dove for her discs and - not caring that she had flipped the couch in the process - swiped the discs from Tobi and, as quickly as possible, moved from Kiss x Sis to Yosuga No Sora as quickly as she could. Kris also had My Wife is a High School Girl, Love Love?, Itazura No Kiss, in her hands and her manga included My Balls, Dengeki Daisy, and Zombie Romanticism. Yeah, awkward collection, but she have more much more then you may think on her shelves and - oh holy mother of Jashin! May Kris be killed where she stands. She paled and looked at her shelf to see her naruto collection of manga and anime staring right at her, as if mocking her. She lunged at the case and ripped it down, scattering all of my plushies, manga, anime collections, keychains, necklaces, action figures, even some cosplay stuff, you name it, and it all went to the floor. She accepted all of the stares and swiftly turned, grabbed my weapons off of the floor, pressed play on the screen so now they had officially started watching Yosuga No Sora, their heads all snapped back to the TV.

She left thinking she may have just saved a lot of explaining to do from these people, well except from Tobi, he had watched her every move. Great, now she had to explain it to "The Boss" or maybe he might would blow it off, probably not but, hey it's nice to dream.  
When Kris came back to the living room, she tripped and fell.  
Into a crater.  
Deidera was huddling in a corner, while Crissi had both pistols pointed at his head. Lex had come in and was staring at Sasori's butt intently via sniper scope.  
'Of course..' Kris thought as she pushed herself up off of the ground.  
Kakuzu was leisurely sitting on the ruined sofa counting a small stack of money while Nick huffed, being held upside down via Kakuzu's threads, a knife in both hand. Court was hanging from the fan, looking like that goblin thing from Lord of The Rings. Hidan was in pieces, but his internal organs were in a pile to the right of his external chopped up bits.  
"So Kris... should I kill the Nazi now or later?"  
"Later, un!" Deidera did a crappy impersonation of Kris's voice.

"..."  
"Sur- *bang* You're an idiot." Crissi shot his good arm.  
"Who made the crater?"  
"... *cough cough*" Kris turned to the coughs, seeing Court with something on her back.  
"...Give me the RPG now," She got an RPG to the head. "..ouch, and Crissi, you know we have to keep Court away from anything explosive."  
"You're surprisingly calm," -kick-  
"ow, un."  
"Did you watch your pervy shows?"  
"Their not pervy, just detailed."  
"Pervy. Compared to what I read, it's pervy."  
"Yet you still read it..."  
"I only read Dengeki Daisy, that has nothing bad!"  
"Sure... it's just that My Balls collection is still missing volume one."  
Crissi's eye twitched and she shook her head, "I would never read that you pervert."  
"Your nose is growing Pinnochio." Crissi turned to Sasori.  
"I don't see his nose growing Kris..." Kris whacked Crissi and yelled at Court to pick up the house. Court saluted and got to work, ignoring everyone else. Deidara crawled off, while Kakazu started fixing Hidan. Sasori started putting himself together also, twitching now and then from Lex's roaming eyes. When Hidan was put back together Kris jumped on him, smacked him in the face and yelled "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" Then jumped off, cackling like a creep.  
Court surprisingly took little time in cleaning up the place and it looked cleaner than before we had the battle, and honestly it made Kris and Crissi's eyes twitch as they stared at Court in their now so clean that it was sparkling, living room.  
Court smiled, "Did I do good enough sir?"  
Kris's eye twitched and she mumbled, "It's too bright, my eyes hurt from just looking at it..."  
Crissi smiled back and yelled, "Perfect!" She did a happy dance. "Now I can watch the movies that I want to watch! YAHOO!" She jumped on the couch only to have it slide into the wall, creating a big dent.

Court coughed, "Uhh, did I mention that I also waxed the floor?"


	10. Teh Epicness Updates!

**Akatsuki Katz FTW**  
**Ah, the plot! Finally!**

After Crissi got home, having a pap smear appointment set up for tomorrow, she and Kris tried to think who this 'Uncle J' could be.  
"It isn't Uncle Matt." Crissi said, for sure. Her cough had left her, though her lower torso still hurt.  
"And I don't have any uncles." Kris shoved a large water bottle in front of Crissi. "Drink."  
Snake Bite was sitting on Crissi's lap, being absently petted. The second they got into the house Konan went to find Pein, while the two girls went into Crissi's room.  
"I have no clue Kris." Crissi sighed as she turned on music. Skillet 'Awake and Alive' started playing.  
"Me neither- Your phone! Check the number." Crissi did just that.  
"1-115-141-581... what kind of number is that?" Kris shrugged then closed her eyes.  
"I'm going to take a nap.. it's been a weird day.." Kris crawled up to the head of the bed and laid down on the many pillows and stuffed animals. Crissi threw a blanket over her then curled up into a ball, Snake Bite in the small space near her stomach. She pulled a blanket over both of them and nodded off.

Kris was the first up. She made waffles for breakfast and put milk next to everyone's plate except for Crissi's. Her sister was having water as her only drink for at least a week. Tobi clambered down the stairs and hugged Kris.  
"Kris-chan! Wanna know a secret?" Kris had started to hang around Tobi a lot more, and when it was only the two of them she had conversations with Madara.  
"What is it Madara?"  
"We are heading back soon." Kris dropped the spatula she was holding and she felt her chest heave. She shook it off and kept filling the waffle-maker.  
"Oh." Damn, her voice cracked.  
Madara raised an eyebrow and glomped Kris, "NU! Kris-chan is sad!" He yelled in his Tobi voice.  
"Don't worry, I'm not sad that you're leaving. I'm sad because now I won't have anyone to blow up or shoot!" She whined. Then she looked seriously at him and said, "You're not supposed to be in this world anyway. It's only right for you to go back anyway." She gave him a smile and patted his head. He bounded excitedly and ran off to get everyone for breakfast.  
"Hi Sasori, breakfast is ready, she made waffles!" Then he sprinted away and to leader's room.  
'So I was right, Tobi is more important than we thought.' Sasori thought, he had been outside the kitchen door the whole time.  
"Danna, it's time for breakfast, un!" Deidara called, breaking him from his thoughts.  
Sasori glared at nothing and yelled back, "I know, brat!" Sasori went into the room and sat down where he usually sits, 'Damn that brat gets on my nerves, it's like everything that comes out of his mouth is sent out to annoy me.' Sasori growled as Deidara walked in and gave him a look as he sat down next to him. Deidara raised an eyebrow in return.  
"What the hell did I do, un?" Deidara asked.  
"Thats not a good question." Kris stated from the waffle maker, smirking as Deidara argued with her. She was about to say something when she was cut off by Crissi's yelling.  
"WHY THE HELL IS TOBI IN MY FUCKING ROOM!" She screeched, and I face palmed. When I looked at the door I saw a flash of orange and a flash of red. Tobi was being chased by Crissi.  
"AHHH HELP TOBI!" They ran around the table, Crissi was throwing plates, Tobi dove behind me and When Kris turned around she got a plate thrown into her face. Kris stood there, eyes closed and gritting her teeth. The plate had in fact shattered, causing many pieces to go everywhere.

"Crissi, I am going to DROWN YOU IN THE FUCKING RIVER!" Kris ran after Crissi who had ran away as soon as the plate hit Kris. Sadly for Crissi, Kris ran much faster and had her tackled in a matter of a few minutes. Kris started dragging Crissi to the back door.  
"NOOO HELP ME SOMEONE HELP! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Crissi bawled, grabbing onto anything she could put her hands on, only to drag it with her or have it slip from her grasp.  
"SHUT UP!" Kris yelled at her, she was suddenly thrown over a shoulder and Crissi scrambled away and to her room where she slammed her door and locked it behind her.  
"PUT ME DOWN!" Kris yelled, kicking Kakuzu but he had already turned to rock and rolled his eyes. "I HAVE SOMEONE TO KILL!"  
"Would you calm down?" Kakuzu asked, wanting to go drown her himself.  
"NEVER!" Kris yelled, laughing like an idiot. But after a minute or two she looked at Kakuzu, "Okay I'm good." He narrowed his eyes but still put her down.  
She calmly walked up to Crissi's room and kicked her door in, Crissi stared at her eyes wide with fright.  
Kris rolled her eyes and grabbed Crissi's wrist. "You didn't eat your breakfast..."  
Crissi scoffed, "Yeah because water is breakfast."  
"Yup."

After the lovely breakfast, or water in Crissi's case, everyone went into the living room and Kris put in, much to her distaste, Labyrinth. Only reason she put it in the DVD player was because Crissi wouldn't let go of her leg unless she did.  
"Don't you have to get your pap smear done today?" suddenly a deep blue aura seemed to cover Crissi.  
"Nuu~" She cried, tears running down her face. "I don't want that kind of pain~"  
"But you're cool Pein." She 'comforted' Pein. She was having mood swings apparently.  
She normally didn't have mood swings though, only when something she didn't like was going to happen soon, whether she knew it or not.  
Kris turned to Tobi and saw him move his head the tiniest bit.  
Crissi didn't know that the Akatsuki +1 were leaving.  
Crissi didn't know Orochimaru was leaving.

Crissi, after watching Labyrinth, got in her Hummer and went to get her pap smear done.  
Kris on the other hand, got a tezt.  
"She's going to be crushed. You will be too. I'm sorry. -Uncle J" Kris shook her head a deleted the text. She had other things to worry about.

"When is it?" Kris and Tobi were in her room, just sitting on the bed.  
"In a day, maybe two." Kris nodded, forcing tears back down.  
"Well, it was fun while it lasted." Madara's heart almost broke, not that he himself would have ever admitted it. Kris sounded defeated. Madara did something very out of character. He gave her a hug, and not a Tobi hug. An actual hug.  
"I'll miss you." Kris muttered into the Uchiha's chest. She unwrapped his arms from around her and stood up.  
She gave his mask a kiss where his cheek should be and walked out of the room, running a hand through her hair.  
Madara for once wished that he didn't wear a mask.

Crissi groaned and fell onto the couch, not caring that she was across Itachi, Kisame and Pein's laps, her head near Konan's legs.  
"The pain, the humiliation, the truth." She moaned. She opened an eye and saw Konan staring at her.  
"What's wrong?"  
"I have endometriosis. Therefore, I may never be able to have kiddos." Konan frowned and patted her head. Crissi got up and sat next to Orochimaru on the loveseat and watched the TV with everyone else.  
It was a simple afternoon, a simple evening to Crissi and Kris to pass by.

"Pein, I believe that Orochimaru and Crissi are starting to fall for eachother." Konan informed Pein, but Madara was in the room with them. Madara twitched. This wasn't good- Just as Orochimaru was getting attached to Crissi, he himself has gotten attached to Kris.  
"It doesn't matter. Itachi has figured out how to get us back to our world. But we must get back quickly- we're disappearing faster. Just this morning Sasori forgot that he was a puppet for a moment, and Hidan forgot what Jashin was."  
Madara nodded. "We will tell the others tonight, as they sleep. We will include.. Orochimaru."

Later that evening.  
Pein told everyone what was happening.  
"Ever since we got to this world we have been disappearing, though right now it is mentally. Sasori has at times forgotten that he is a puppet, while Hidan, who Jashin is." Pein explained, sitting on the loveseat next to Konan.  
"I don't remember my brothers name." Itachi spoke up. Everyone else started to say things that they think they have forgotten, but weren't sure. It was hard- How do they tell Pein what they have forgotten, if they have forgotten what it is they forgot? Confusing.  
"So we will be going back to our world tomorrow night." The room went silent, and everyone's thoughts were on the same track.  
How would they tell the girls? But for Madara there was a different thought.  
Could they survive in their world?  
Madara guessed that they would have to try to find out.


	11. Sicky!

**AkaKatz FTW  
Ch9  
Crissi is sick! Mystery Man!**

*Groan* CoughHack Wheeze "aw fuck me sideways with a knife.."  
"No thanks. What the fuck is up with you?"  
"'M sick. Whaddya think? 'M on a fuck'n roller coaster?"  
"Bitch... whatever, I'll make some soup. Do you want me to call the three musketeers?"  
"Only Lex... *Cough hack wheeze* Son ofa cookie.." Crissi groaned, falling back onto her bed.  
Kris went downstairs and started on Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese with extra toast, and a can of ginger ale. She had sent everyone out of the house to train in the yard that day.  
Crissi sighed and rolled over. She wanted a human teddy-bear. Preferably a warm one that dwarfed her in size..  
Tobi? No, Kris would murder her a trillion times over. **(A/N Darkness: You're damn right I would.)**  
Kisame? Good deal, but he's training, and he needs his training since he had no chakra outlit like samehada (sp?).  
Itachi? That would be like huggin a stone wall... but she could turn him into a teddy bear...  
great now she had a mission...  
"You don't look so good Chrystal." Only one person called her by her full name and wouldn't get mauled.  
"Hey 'Orochi. I'm sick." It was true, the coughing, hacking, wheezing, all over pain, and freezing chills even though she was sweating, proved it to the sennin. Crissi had all of her blankets on her, all of her stuffed animals around her (which is nearly twenty or more), and all of her pillows bunching around her. "So right now I'm trying to find a human teddy-bear who's immune to the flu." Crissi rolled over to face her one man audience. "Would you happen to be free from training at this moment 'Orochi?" Crissi started her puppy-dog face. Jazmin had even curled up near her feet. That meant she was sick- the cat stalked anyone who even had a mere cough.  
"Woman, eat your food, then ask the snake to cuddle." Kris pushed her way through the door and set the tray on Crissi's lap, holding the food she got ready previous. Kris leaned down and whispered in Crissi's ear, "Heh, you might end up doing more than cuddling." Then ran out of the room before Crissi could kill her.  
Crissi moved the food off of her lap and on the floor then flung off her covers and jumped off the bed. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU KRIS FOR THAT COMMENT!" She yelled running for the door, only to get scooped up by Orochimaru and dumped back onto the bed. She pouted, crossing her arms, as Orochimaru fixed the blankets around her and set the tray of food on her lap. She blushed as she was basically tucked in by the sennin  
"Eat. You're already sick enough." He sat down next to her, grabbing a small book to read as he made sure she ate all of her food.

Kris laughed from her place at the bottom of the stairs. "Well, I finally know that she likes Orochi'phile more the Hn-Boy."  
"Who?" A dark voice sounded from behind her.  
Kris's eye twitched and she slowly put her hand over her heart and stated. "I swear my heart stopped." She turned to Madara and pointed at him. "Why the hell would you do that?"  
He shrugged, "Gave me something to do?"  
Kris glared at him, "Fuck you."  
"Please and thank you." Kris's eye twitched, though on the inside she was jumping for joy.  
"...I'm going to deal with getting Crissi with Orochi'Phile.. then I'll get back to you on that..."  
"So who's Hn-Boy Kris-chan?" Kris nearly jumped at the sudden change of voice.  
"That would be Itachi. Crissi has a unique taste in men.. you'll see. We'll have a Crissi movie night tonight." Kris ignored the orange masked man next to her and grabbed many movies and started picking out foods.

Crissi sighed as Orochimaru placed the tray on the ground, snuggling into her blankets and pulling them up to her chin. "I hate being sick." She groaned, her voice rough.  
"It's a common occurence for civilians."  
"That's reassuring." Orochimaru was going to say something but then Kris barged in, a hand over her eyes.  
"Get some clothes on! We're having a Crissi movie night tonight people!"  
"...We have clothes on Kris..." Kris peeked through her hand a sighed in relief.  
"Thank god-" Through the closed window they heard a muffled "Jashin!".  
"-I reaaaally don't want to see it when it happens." Kris didn't show that she noticed' Crissi's beet red face.  
"Soooo grab the movies that are in your room and come down soon!" She slammed the door, but then opened it again. "And for the love of god and Jashin, use a condom." Kris closed the door before the stiletto could impale its heel into her head. "HA YOU MISSED BITCH!" Was what snakey and Crissi heard through the door.  
"Damn you door, that would of been a direct hit... fucking barriers." Crissi growled, glaring at the door with such intensity that Orochimaru was wondering when it would burst into flames.

Kris POV  
I skipped into my room, chuckling evilly and made it over to my dresser and pulled out my top drawer and removed the fake bottom, revealing a bunch of scary/pervy movies and my tongue lolled out of my mouth in pure happiness, well until the moment was ruined by Crissi.  
Crissi bust down my door, stomped over to me and peered into my drawer, "Ehh, you like?" I wiggled my eyebrows and she slapped me in the face.  
"Hell no! Those are stupid!" She yelled pointing at 'The Messenger', 'The Haunting', 'Paranormal Activity' 1, 2, and 3, the movies that my friends had gotten me, insisting they were scary, sadly they weren't. Then she looked at the naughty ones, I had gotten these from Lex and some I had picked out, and she turned beet red, "I think I'll be leaving now..." She quickly turned and, walking like a robot, left my room only to have Tobi pop his head in.  
"Uhh... are we still having movie night?" He asked, Tobi voice of course.  
"Yeah but be prepared for a Transformers marathon." I muttered, putting the fake bottom back on and slamming the drawer closed.  
"A what marathon?" Tobi cocked his head to the side.  
"You'll find out soon enough." I said, walking by him and over to Crissi's room to hear groaning. I stared at the door with a look of utter disgust and told Tobi to stay back as I slowly opened the door.  
I saw Crissi on the ground holding her stomach, she looked pained as she looked at me and I looked around the room, everyone had clothes on, then turned back to Tobi.  
"Don't worry, everyone has their clothes on." After that sentence I opened the door completely to help aid Crissi, yes I was worried about her, she was my sister. My only sibling left. "Are you okay? You look even iller if possible..." I muttered, crouching down and inspecting her, she looked deathly pale, and I think I may have food poisoned her.  
"Oh, no. I'm on the top of the world right now" *Hack* *wheeze* I about slapped her.  
"Seriously sis, what hurts."  
"Oh nothing much. My head, stomach, legs, uterus." I went wide-eyed  
"YOU'RE PREGGERS!" Crissi groaned.  
"I'm still a virgin you asshole. I'm sick but I got cramps, baka." I sighed in relief. I turned to Orochimaru, who was kneeling near Crissi.  
"Help me bring her downstairs to the couch. Even if she's sick, she'll murder me if she misses the movie night." Once we got down the stairs, Orochimaru carrying Crissi since he picked her up before I could even think about picking her up, I saw that the couch was taken.  
"Asses out of seat. Now."  
"Fuck you bitch." I grabbed Hidan's gel-soaked hair and pulled his face close to mine.  
"My fucking sister is in pain, and she wants to watch movies. I am not going to have her sit in a chair, when laying down helps her ease the pain you man-whore. Therefore, ass out of chair, or else I will castrate you and hide your dick in a place where you will never find it again." Hidan shook as he moved to a chair, while Kakazu calmly moved during my little rant,only to walk back over, give me a pat on the head and a nod of approval. Orochimaru set Crissi on the couch, he sitting next to her. She curled her feet up and tucked them under her, leaning on the sennin. Kisame sat on the other end of the couch, leaving a good amount of space between Crissi and him.  
"I'll grab your movies." I said, jogging back into her room. Now, where does she keep her movies...  
After looking through her drawer, finding the missing My Balls manga book along with being freaked out about seeing what my sister wore for underwear and bras, looking through her closet, then finally looking under her bed, I found her box of movies.  
I grabbed the ones on top- her favorites. All the Transformers, Die Hard one and two, Sorcerer's Apprentice, Death Tunnel, Pirates of the Carribbean COTBP, Alice in Wonderland 2010, SuckerPunch and The Uninvited. They would be watching movies till midnight- and it was only about one in the afternoon now. I ran down but halfway down the stairs I heard Crissi's wheezing voice. Man, even if it is Crissi Movie Night, if she doesn't feel better soon I'm bringing her to the hospital.  
"Switch some of them with your movies.. they aren't that stupid.." I almost fell down the rest of the stairs. She has to be sick! But I did as she said and replaced the second and third Transformers, SuckerPunch, and the Uninvited for Paranormal Acitvity one. Mostly just to narrow down the movie amount.  
When I came down I saw that Lex was there and sitting on the back of the couch behind Crissi, brushing her hair with tons of hair bands on his wrist. On that couch other than Orochimaru and two two mentioned, was Kisame and Tobi. Itachi was in an armchair, while Konan and Pein took up a loveseat, I gave her a wink when she looked up and she blushed and looked away. Zetsu was hanging in the wall, while Sasori and Kakazu were on the other loveseat. Hidan and Deidera were sitting on the floor, Hidan flicking through channels. I glared at him over the movies in my arms, and he quickly handed me the remote.

"Thanks Man-Whore." Crissi weakly chuckled at this. I looked at her with sympathy. After shoving Die Hard one in the DVD player. Crissi went wide-eyed the second it went to the first scene and I could see that her heart was already beating at the thought of seeing Hans Gruber, aka Alan Rickman.  
"You and older men Crissi, You and older men." I think I saw Orochimaru tense up as Crissi gave me a thumbs up. I sighed and went into the main bathroom, grabbing some meds for her.  
"WHY THE FUCK DO WE HAVE BIRTH CONTROL AND A PREGGERS TEST!"

Crissi winced and hid her head in Orochimaru's shoulder, her head pounding from Kris's shout. But her head snapped back to the TV as she watched John McClane sit in the bathroom, just hearing gunfire.  
"Answer me now, sicky." Crissi now only saw a seething Kris in her line of vision.  
"Better safe than sorry." She mumbled. Kris's face fell as she heard Crissi's voice.  
"If you're not better by the end of this movie, I'm bringing you to the hospital." Everyone in the room turned to actually look at Crissi.  
She was pale, skinnier than usual, she had bags under her eyes and an arm wrapped around her lower torso.  
"You should take her now, un." A pillow was thrown at his head, but it was all of Crissi's strength.  
"..." Everyone noted at how lightly the pillow hit the blond bomber.  
"I'm not...going anywhere... until.. I get to see.. my Gruber..." Crissi took deep breaths between her words. "Kris.. you should have.. brought out Labyrinth... Jareth is..hot.."  
"...The second I see Rickman on the screen, you are in the car and at the hospital."  
And that's just was Kris did. After Crissi had her ga-ga moment over Hans, she picked her up easily, which wasn't normal, and laid her down in the backseat of Vanny. She buckled a seat belt around her so she could lay down but turned when she heard a meow. Tobi was holding Snake Bite by the scruff of his neck.  
"Orochimaru-san turned himself back into a kitten so he could come!" He said hyperly.  
"How?" Was all Kris could say. Tobi tilted his head.  
"Tobi saw Orochimaru throw cold water on himself." Kris felt like an idiot. She grabbed Snake Bite and put him in with Crissi. She hopped into the driver's seat, but paused as Konan got into the passenger seat, wearing some of Crissi's clothes. A simple sky blue tank with grey bell bottom jeans and white flats.  
"I would like to see what the hospitals of this world are like."  
"No need to be formal and stoic Konan. We're all girls here. Except for maybe Orochimaru."  
She heard a hiss then continued driving.

Crissi opened her eyes to see white.  
"Shit- God I can explain! I swear it was Isabell-"  
"You're not dead." She turned her head and saw Konan sitting next to her. "Kris just went to the front desk." Crissi nodded and groaned as she moved her arm. She looked at it and saw an IV.  
"Oh crap." She moaned. Konan saw that her arms were turning purple. "I...hate IVs" Crissi growled through gritted teeth. Suddenly she felt a rough tongue on her cheek. Snake Bite was standing on her chest, licking her face, trying to get her to calm down. Konan watched as her arms slowly turned to their pale color as the girl cuddled Snake Bite with one arm.  
'I'm going to have to tell Pein about this..' Konan thought.

Kris POV  
I rolled my eyes at the nurse. No cats allowed my ass. I entered Crissi's hospital room and saw her calming down. "Whoa, you're not purple this time."  
"Oro- I mean Snake Bite calmed me down." I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively then sat next to my sis. "Don't kill me. Oh yeah, the doctors say you're dehydrated and need to be tested for endometriosis." I winced, the doctor telling me what had to be done to test for endometriosis. Crissi groaned like she was dying. "ah, so you know how they figure out if you have it?"  
"Yeah. My mom has to get pap smears every year." I rolled my eyes. Of course. But then my face saddened.  
"You do know that if you have it, you might not be able to have kids right?" Crissi nodded. Just then, her phone went off. She checked it and went pale.  
"Kris, I think we have a stalker.." I looked at the text.

'Having fun with the Akatsuki? From- Uncle J.'**  
"Uncle J? What the hell?"**


	12. Uhoh! Uncle J?

**Akatsuki Katz FTW**  
**Ah, the plot! Finally!**

After Crissi got home, having a pap smear appointment set up for tomorrow, she and Kris tried to think who this 'Uncle J' could be.  
"It isn't Uncle Matt." Crissi said, for sure. Her cough had left her, though her lower torso still hurt.  
"And I don't have any uncles." Kris shoved a large water bottle in front of Crissi. "Drink."  
Snake Bite was sitting on Crissi's lap, being absently petted. The second they got into the house Konan went to find Pein, while the two girls went into Crissi's room.  
"I have no clue Kris." Crissi sighed as she turned on music. Skillet 'Awake and Alive' started playing.  
"Me neither- Your phone! Check the number." Crissi did just that.  
"1-115-141-581... what kind of number is that?" Kris shrugged then closed her eyes.  
"I'm going to take a nap.. it's been a weird day.." Kris crawled up to the head of the bed and laid down on the many pillows and stuffed animals. Crissi threw a blanket over her then curled up into a ball, Snake Bite in the small space near her stomach. She pulled a blanket over both of them and nodded off.

Kris was the first up. She made waffles for breakfast and put milk next to everyone's plate except for Crissi's. Her sister was having water as her only drink for at least a week. Tobi clambered down the stairs and hugged Kris.  
"Kris-chan! Wanna know a secret?" Kris had started to hang around Tobi a lot more, and when it was only the two of them she had conversations with Madara.  
"What is it Madara?"  
"We are heading back soon." Kris dropped the spatula she was holding and she felt her chest heave. She shook it off and kept filling the waffle-maker.  
"Oh." Damn, her voice cracked.  
Madara raised an eyebrow and glomped Kris, "NU! Kris-chan is sad!" He yelled in his Tobi voice.  
"Don't worry, I'm not sad that you're leaving. I'm sad because now I won't have anyone to blow up or shoot!" She whined. Then she looked seriously at him and said, "You're not supposed to be in this world anyway. It's only right for you to go back anyway." She gave him a smile and patted his head. He bounded excitedly and ran off to get everyone for breakfast.  
"Hi Sasori, breakfast is ready, she made waffles!" Then he sprinted away and to leader's room.  
'So I was right, Tobi is more important than we thought.' Sasori thought, he had been outside the kitchen door the whole time.  
"Danna, it's time for breakfast, un!" Deidara called, breaking him from his thoughts.  
Sasori glared at nothing and yelled back, "I know, brat!" Sasori went into the room and sat down where he usually sits, 'Damn that brat gets on my nerves, it's like everything that comes out of his mouth is sent out to annoy me.' Sasori growled as Deidara walked in and gave him a look as he sat down next to him. Deidara raised an eyebrow in return.  
"What the hell did I do, un?" Deidara asked.  
"Thats not a good question." Kris stated from the waffle maker, smirking as Deidara argued with her. She was about to say something when she was cut off by Crissi's yelling.  
"WHY THE HELL IS TOBI IN MY FUCKING ROOM!" She screeched, and I face palmed. When I looked at the door I saw a flash of orange and a flash of red. Tobi was being chased by Crissi.  
"AHHH HELP TOBI!" They ran around the table, Crissi was throwing plates, Tobi dove behind me and When Kris turned around she got a plate thrown into her face. Kris stood there, eyes closed and gritting her teeth. The plate had in fact shattered, causing many pieces to go everywhere.

"Crissi, I am going to DROWN YOU IN THE FUCKING RIVER!" Kris ran after Crissi who had ran away as soon as the plate hit Kris. Sadly for Crissi, Kris ran much faster and had her tackled in a matter of a few minutes. Kris started dragging Crissi to the back door.  
"NOOO HELP ME SOMEONE HELP! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Crissi bawled, grabbing onto anything she could put her hands on, only to drag it with her or have it slip from her grasp.  
"SHUT UP!" Kris yelled at her, she was suddenly thrown over a shoulder and Crissi scrambled away and to her room where she slammed her door and locked it behind her.  
"PUT ME DOWN!" Kris yelled, kicking Kakuzu but he had already turned to rock and rolled his eyes. "I HAVE SOMEONE TO KILL!"  
"Would you calm down?" Kakuzu asked, wanting to go drown her himself.  
"NEVER!" Kris yelled, laughing like an idiot. But after a minute or two she looked at Kakuzu, "Okay I'm good." He narrowed his eyes but still put her down.  
She calmly walked up to Crissi's room and kicked her door in, Crissi stared at her eyes wide with fright.  
Kris rolled her eyes and grabbed Crissi's wrist. "You didn't eat your breakfast..."  
Crissi scoffed, "Yeah because water is breakfast."  
"Yup."

After the lovely breakfast, or water in Crissi's case, everyone went into the living room and Kris put in, much to her distaste, Labyrinth. Only reason she put it in the DVD player was because Crissi wouldn't let go of her leg unless she did.  
"Don't you have to get your pap smear done today?" suddenly a deep blue aura seemed to cover Crissi.  
"Nuu~" She cried, tears running down her face. "I don't want that kind of pain~"  
"But you're cool Pein." She 'comforted' Pein. She was having mood swings apparently.  
She normally didn't have mood swings though, only when something she didn't like was going to happen soon, whether she knew it or not.  
Kris turned to Tobi and saw him move his head the tiniest bit.  
Crissi didn't know that the Akatsuki +1 were leaving.  
Crissi didn't know Orochimaru was leaving.

Crissi, after watching Labyrinth, got in her Hummer and went to get her pap smear done.  
Kris on the other hand, got a tezt.  
"She's going to be crushed. You will be too. I'm sorry. -Uncle J" Kris shook her head a deleted the text. She had other things to worry about.

"When is it?" Kris and Tobi were in her room, just sitting on the bed.  
"In a day, maybe two." Kris nodded, forcing tears back down.  
"Well, it was fun while it lasted." Madara's heart almost broke, not that he himself would have ever admitted it. Kris sounded defeated. Madara did something very out of character. He gave her a hug, and not a Tobi hug. An actual hug.  
"I'll miss you." Kris muttered into the Uchiha's chest. She unwrapped his arms from around her and stood up.  
She gave his mask a kiss where his cheek should be and walked out of the room, running a hand through her hair.  
Madara for once wished that he didn't wear a mask.

Crissi groaned and fell onto the couch, not caring that she was across Itachi, Kisame and Pein's laps, her head near Konan's legs.  
"The pain, the humiliation, the truth." She moaned. She opened an eye and saw Konan staring at her.  
"What's wrong?"  
"I have endometriosis. Therefore, I may never be able to have kiddos." Konan frowned and patted her head. Crissi got up and sat next to Orochimaru on the loveseat and watched the TV with everyone else.  
It was a simple afternoon, a simple evening to Crissi and Kris to pass by.

"Pein, I believe that Orochimaru and Crissi are starting to fall for eachother." Konan informed Pein, but Madara was in the room with them. Madara twitched. This wasn't good- Just as Orochimaru was getting attached to Crissi, he himself has gotten attached to Kris.  
"It doesn't matter. Itachi has figured out how to get us back to our world. But we must get back quickly- we're disappearing faster. Just this morning Sasori forgot that he was a puppet for a moment, and Hidan forgot what Jashin was."  
Madara nodded. "We will tell the others tonight, as they sleep. We will include.. Orochimaru."

Later that evening.  
Pein told everyone what was happening.  
"Ever since we got to this world we have been disappearing, though right now it is mentally. Sasori has at times forgotten that he is a puppet, while Hidan, who Jashin is." Pein explained, sitting on the loveseat next to Konan.  
"I don't remember my brothers name." Itachi spoke up. Everyone else started to say things that they think they have forgotten, but weren't sure. It was hard- How do they tell Pein what they have forgotten, if they have forgotten what it is they forgot? Confusing.  
"So we will be going back to our world tomorrow night." The room went silent, and everyone's thoughts were on the same track.  
How would they tell the girls? But for Madara there was a different thought.  
Could they survive in their world?  
Madara guessed that they would have to try to find out.


	13. The end is nigh!

**Akatsuki Kats  
The end is nigh.  
**  
Everyone was jumpy around the girls- even the ones that didn't interact with them much.  
Kakazu would lose track on counting his money, while Sasori would look away from the girls.  
Kris knew in her gut that this was it.  
They were leaving.  
But Crissi didn't know that- actually, she didn't notice at all. She and Orochimaru have been together no matter what, and it was sickening how sweet it seemed. Orochimaru would open doors for her, sit next to her, even hold her hand at times! It made Kris almost puke once when she thought they almost kissed! Thank god Tobi interrupted!

Actually, Tobi was following Kris a lot also. But it was only following and annoying.  
But then after dinner everyone got edging.  
"This place is really home. Well, I mean it feels like home now. It used to just feel like a big empty house with just me and Kris in it. You guys are family." Crissi hit them hard when she said that.  
"pfft- uh N-No we're not bitch." Hidan turned away. This is when Crissi started noticing.  
"...What's going on?"  
Tobi tilted his head. "Crissi doesn't know that we're going home?"  
"Tobi shut up, un!" Deidera had tried to suffocate Tobi, but the masked man still got out his sentence. Crissi stood there, shocked. Her Jaws, her Snake Bite, her Zealot and Orchid were... leaving?  
"n-no.." Kris hugged her sister. Crissi wouldn't let tears fall, but she couldn't stop her chest form heaving. Itachi worked fast- moving the furniture and drawing a circle. The Akatsuki stepped inside the circle.**  
(A/N POD216: Holy shit! The circle of DOOM! Fuck you circle, I now love squares.  
A/N Britt: I now love triangles. they are triangular. A/N POD216: But they're evil too! And three is an evil number, evil I say! EVIL!)**  
Kris turned to tobi and gave him a hug.  
"Don't be too much of a bastard." She whispered, making him chuckle.  
Kris gave a short glomp to everyone else and whispered bye into everyone's ear, yes she glomped Pein and Konan, they were family too.  
Crissi clung to Orochimaru and he felt one or two tears soak through his shirt.  
"I'm sorry Chrystal."  
"It's not your fault.. I'll miss you though. And.. watch out for Sasuke and Kabuto please.. just.. don't let them get strong.. please" She desperately asked him. He nodded and went into the circle.  
Crissi and Kris waved, and then there was two.  
Crissi had silent tears flowing like rivers down her cheeks, Kris just patted her shoulder, "I know it hurts to lose family."


	14. The SEQUEL is nigh!

**Akatsuki Katz FTW**  
**Uncle J**

Crissi sighed as she re-watched Naruto for the umpth time. Kris twirled her hair beside her.  
It's been about two months since they left. Kris had stuffed it to the back of her mind while Crissi was more sensitive to things. She wore black, black, and more black, eyeliner on no matter what. Kris was normal for the most part, though every night before she fell asleep she mumbled the masked man's name.  
"Shall we go onto shippuden?" Kris suggested, knowing the answer already.  
"No." was the monotone of her sister. Crissi clicked the remote a few times and they were back once again at episode one.  
"..." Kris was silent as she watched Crissi get sucked into the anime. Then, the doorbell sounded for the first time in eight weeks.  
"Hello?" Kris answered the door. A man who seemed to be about fifty with short white hair stood there, clad in red.  
"Hi there! I just moved in and wanted to get to know my neighbors!" The man was clearly in good health and his voice boomed. Kris gestured for him to enter as Crissi got up to see who it was. The second the door closed the man's posture changed. The girls gasped as the man's hair grew and spiked, a headband appearing. Sandals adorned his feet as he stroke a pose.  
"Yo! I'm Jiraiya, you can send me the love letter later!" Jiraiya then stood up regular.  
"Or in your case, the mysterious and handsome Uncle J." Crissi went wide eyed and took out her phone, looking at the number.  
"K-O-N-O-H-A. Its numbers to letters! If you do only 1-26, and each letter means a number like A=1 and B=2, Z being 26, it's Konoha!" Crissi exclaimed. Kris was stunned- Uncle J is Jiraiya, and Crissi has just shown the most emotion since the Akatsuki +1 left.  
"Why are you here though?" Kris asked.  
"To take you back home. To take you to Konoha."

* * *

**Notice the multiple chapters this update? Atleast four chappies!**

**But wait! There's more!**

**...**

**Seriously, ButWaitThere'sMore.**

**...**

**Just go check out the sequel already...**

**...**

_**Akatsuki Kats BWTM**_

**Introducing RiRi! **

**Aka on FF; Twinkie216**

_**read and review!**_


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